My mother used to say “If wishes were horses,” and I had no idea where that came from. I didn’t get internet until after her death in 2001. I looked up that saying and the complete version is, " If wishes were horses then beggars would ride. " Apparently, it’s a very old saying so I guess adults weren’t always gross.

Oh, the poor gerbil!

Just so long as you leave after eating that many eggs.

The “Rex” in T-Rex means “king” in Latin. Therefore, the female T-Rex’s name should be Regina, which means “Queen” in Latin.

You know what you need to do --end the relationship. It’s only going to get worse. Never let someone abuse you if you don’t absolutely have to. There might be times that you’ll miss her but someone like that will escalate their abuse if you endure it.

I think you should call it Librarian.

Oddly enough, that was my first thought too.

Censorship aside, some cultures believe that images of vulvas frighten away evil spirits because they’re symbolic of life. So who knows? That might work.

It’s a common thing in this house. Both my roommate and myself do it. I’m a frequent midnight snacker. Roommate’s son isn’t though. It’s weird to me that you’ve never known anyone who doesn’t. Maybe it’s an American thing. I don’t know.

Just look at them. They already are an empanada filling.

When I was 11, I was annoying my mom a lot so naturally, she lunged at me with a butchers knife.

When I was 16, she beat me in the head with her fists.

I’m 55 now and she died when I was 30. You know what’s weird? I wish she had stabbed me when I was 11. She would have had to explain that. Then again, if someone had seen her threaten me for once. My half-sister saw her beat me in the head with her fists and Mama suffered no consequences so she probably wouldn’t have then either.

GASP!! Why, the nerve of that guy!

Hell yeah! It would be a vast improvement.

The plan is to artificially inflate the number of users with bots to fool advertisers into thinking there are a lot more users than there really is so they’ll advertise on Reddit. This is the only thing that matters now.

That’s what I thought too. I guess I’m too lazy to be a serial killer.