I find I am my own worst enemy. Self sabotaging before I even get started. Doubt. The cycles of starting and then quitting jobs or healthy habits.
What are your tricks to get out of your own head?
I’ll sometimes talk to myself and sort things out that way. Sometimes saying it out loud makes me realize the idea is dumb or my process is out of order or whatever. I mean this in like a whats the plan/goal kind of conversation not so much a chit chat about the weather.
Do it scared.
I can say that drinking wasn’t a solution.
It never is. Proud of you for recognizing that.
What if this time it’s different though? /Heavy S
It is for me lol. I’m way more motivated with a couple beers. I’m probably an alcoholic, but I have rules set in place like, I can only start drinking after 5, I can only have hard alcohol a couple times a week, etc.
That sounds a lot like walking a tightrope there buddy. You need someone who’ll catch you if you fall.
I was only ever addicted to nicotine, haven’t smoked in 10 years, but I know it in my gut that if I pick up a single cigarette I’ll be right back to 1 pack a day in less than a week.
Everyone’s different and some people can walk that fine line without crossing it, but the safest is to just stop, my friend.
My husband and I drink together, it’s not like I’m always drinking alone in my sad little world. It’s a social activity. Plus we live in Japan and it’s very hard to avoid…lol.
explosive diarrhea
I went to a doctor and got anti depressants
I get a tolerance to those so fast. :( Stupid Lexapro.
I went through a carousel of anti-depressants before i found regular exercise…
YMMV of course. Doesnt work for everyone …
Listen to audio books
If you’re able to form healthy habits before you eventually break them, you’re not doing too bad, I’d take that as a great sign!
For me, medication helps me be more focused and keep up with things for longer.
For me something that helps a lot is doing things not for myself, but for others: can’t clean up your house? Help a friend who also cannot do it, clean up their house. Doing something for others feels good in general, and it allows me to procrastinate on my own stuff, while doing something worthwhile nonetheless. And then when I return to my own problems eventually, I have these memories of myself doing the very things that my brain is telling me I cannot do, which is a great source of inspiration to l not listen to that part of my brain.
Great write-up. This technique has helped me, as well.
They offer it or I just ask.
Oh no wait, you said ‘get out of’. Got u.
If you dont believe in yourself who will ?.
No one else gets to define you. Only you. It doesn’t matter what people think.
Just put in the work daily and the results will come. Use a habit tracking app to gamify it if needed.
If your circle is getting you down or doubting you, change your circle. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. As you get older you cut people out that no longer align with the life you want for yourself. It can be friends and also family.
You got this OP
That believing in self is the fucking worst. It’s so much easier to help others.
Circle ain’t the problem it’s me not being able to accept love.
I appreciate your advice and time.
Circle ain’t the problem it’s me not being able to accept love.
I feel that. I had to fake it till I could make it. I don’t know if that can help everyone, but it helped me.
I made rules for myself about how I would choose to respond to love, and first they became habits, and then much later, they came with the kind of feelings that I suspect many people got for free from day one.
Some people find it helpful to name the negative self-talk voice. Then you can say things like, “shut up, Karen. You never have useful suggestions.”
There is also something in toddler parenting called a “no thanks bite.” That’s the first vite of food that you have to decide if you want to say “no thanks.” It works with toddlers because there is less pressure around eating, and you are allowed to try new things that you might later decide not to have.
The adult version is the same. When trying out a new health routine, etc., you can do a “no thanks try.” Say, I am going to go to the gym this week and next week. If it works out, I may go again after that, or I may not. It just depends on whether it fits in my routine.
Remember that we have routines for reasons. We don’t always know why. Routines are very hard to change while the underlying reasons persist.
Talking with my psychologist about this and admittedly it’s not easy because finding a tool that works for you individually is the hard part.
For me running does it but if I can’t run what do I do? We are working on body scanning which helps a bit. Slow down and distract your mind. I’m going to start reading again for example.
What you need to work in understanding is as I put it theres two competing voices in my head and the self sabotage is there because, and it’s fucked up, it’s a way of protecting yourself. You need to acknowledge it but also tell it when it’s not the time or place
It depends. Do you have self confidence issues or could you be neurodivergent?
Second neurodiverse, I didn’t realise till well into my 30s. Worth hanging out in !autism@lemmy.world they get posts about various conditions. Can see if anything clicks
Self-forgiveness, practicing thankfulness, and incremental growth.
I tend to ruminate on my failures and shortcomings. Guilt can be a powerful motivator/teacher for positive change, but dwelling on it for too long or too much prevents you from following through on those lessons. At some point before that happens you need to forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move forward past that guilt. I found myself doing this so many times I eventually put together a playlist of songs to help me reset, forgive myself, and restart. I recommend you do something similar. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeC2eNJHSGPcKuKjBAMN8sS7F_Vt9gqsN
There is no point in working on a life that has no joy or good in it. When I ruminate I tend to lose sight of the good things that are already present. Acknowledging those good things, even if they feel sparse or small, may help you feel the potential for more good things or inspire new goals and things you want to achieve.
Incremental growth is the hardest but most powerful thing of these three. When I first acknowledged that I was cycling between short highs and long lows, my goal was simple; during the few times I felt good, instead of basking in feeling good before the crash invest that good feeling into either making future good times longer or bad times shorter. It took many slow years before I started hitting a tipping point where the good started to outweigh the bad, and even then one bad thing happening out of my control threw me back several steps. It takes a lot of patience with yourself to grow, but the other two things I mentioned makes it easier.
Great write up.
That’s how I cope, as well.
I didn’t even realize I had the highs and lows going until this year. I just found that aiming for small incremental improvements to situations that sabotaged me was the only way for me to get by.
Edit: This year, someone pointed out to me that certain personality types seem prone to burts of high activity and slumps of low energy - and that I matched most of those traits.
I’ve been coping through my low energy times with various habits and routines, while I write a to-do list to remove obstacles, which I systemicly work through. Of course, during high energy times, I get much more done against that list.
My head is both a source anxiety and comfort. I can live a life worth living in there but the OCD and general anxiety makes my real life living hell.
