As I say, 99 failures and 1 success is 1 success to others. Some things take 9999 tries and some take one. But from the outside 999 failures and 1 win is 1 win.

They don’t post the bad stuff.

Personally we’re about to be homeless in like 2 months, we have a job but it doesn’t pay enough to get a room for rent (not even an apartment. just a room in somebody’s house.) and a car at the same time (and I’m kind of leaning towards the car because if we get sick and lose some income and can’t make rent it would be… a problem, and a car would be more affordable / easier to cut back on).

But nobody’s gonna post that kind of stuff on Instagram.

– Frost

For me, I do not have a use for social media. I don’t use Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat. They’re all owned by big corporations who are known to spy on their users (+ they are actively developing consumer spy glasses which is kind of creepy), and I don’t feel a need to post my life on social media. Maybe you have a business or something and need that promotion, but most people probably don’t need it. I use a mix of Matrix, which is awesome, secure, decentralised, all that, and unfortunately WeChat, since I have some friends and family who live in mainland China, where WeChat is the most convenient option.

Although there are a lot of things that are not great about WeChat (Tencent having an effective monopoly in the Chinese market, they are likely snooping on messages, etc.) I do have to say their “Moments” idea is brilliant. It lets you post up to 9 images with a caption per post, and by default it’s only shown to your contacts, which is really cool! Maybe that’s something to do with restrictive Chinese regulations on the Internet, I dunno, but it’s kind of cool to see a curated set of images in a little feed of just people I actually know.

Right now, I have Matrix for connecting with the world, and WeChat for connecting with parts of my family as well as some of my friends that reside in mainland China. It isn’t the best, but it’s what works for me. Meta, Snapchat, etc. do not fit into that setup for me.

Don’t forget that some people are handed everything. They are winning on the coat tails of their parents or whomever.

Stop comparing yourself to the ideals that others are presenting as norms.

The whole point of those platforms is to sell yourself as being better then others so the platform can then place ads that make you think those products will help you reach the same place you just saw.

First off, you’re on Insta or Facebook, most people are only on there to brag or beg. It’s toxic, get off of there.

Second, life sucks. You could have been dealt a crap hand in life and have to work harder than those you associate with. Maybe you made some bad choices and you need to work your way out of that. No way for me to know.

Life is about compromise and you don’t know what they gave up or the life lottery they won to get to where they are.

The point is, it’s all a mask. As corny as it may sound, you need to determine what goals you need to set, figure out what you need to do to obtain those goals, and you be the winner of your story, not they be the winner of yours.

I deleted all that shite.

It’s nice not subconsciously comparing myself to people I don’t know anymore.

I got the the point where I just didn’t give a fuck about people’s holidays, offspring, cocktails at some pijo bar etc.

This song always makes me feel better

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Promise it’s not a rickroll.

I mean, I think you more or less have it figured out, as you outlined in your post. Now you just need to do the work - whenever you feel the feeling of “I’m falling behind, its a disaster!” or “They have a new car and I don’t and I want it, its not fair!”, just take a moment (personally, I count 5 natural breaths as a convenient timer) to notice how the feeling actually feels. The physical sensations, the kinds of thoughts it brings up, the other emotions it brings up - be interested and curious about the feeling itself. The longer you can sit with the feeling like this - just feeling, noticing, being interested and curious - the more likely it is to feel heard and take its leave. And as you complete this practice over and over, the feeling is more likely to feel its mission is complete, and not come around to worry you.

I genuinely feel like…

That’s because you have decided to feel like that.

(Yes, I am implying that you can decide the other way now, but I did not say that this would be an easy thing)

I know this had been said, but, none of it is real. As you said its the highlight reel. I am drowning, but, everyday I wake up I count 10 things I’m grateful for. Comparison is the theft of joy.

For perspective, me at 22. Kicked out of the military, recently divorced, and living on a couch in my parents basement.

By any measure, I was WAY behind anyone else I knew.

Now, at 50, I have a job I truly love, a nice apartment with just me and the cat. Have a couple motorcycles, game consoles, and my time is my own.

I’m not rich, but I make more than I spend in a given month, have enough savings that I’m not living paycheck to paycheck, and an emergency expense won’t ruin me.

It took a long time to figure out what happiness looked like for me, and to stop judging my life by those around me.

Sure, my siblings are more “successful”, but I can’t say they seem happier than I am.

I don’t use any social media aside from Lemmy, I don’t follow anyone, and experience people the old fashioned way, in person or through phone calls.

Look around your life and see the things you do have. Not to post, just for you to recognize.

Think about what it is that makes you happy, both day to day, and in say a five year plan. Make a goal, make it achievable, and then do it. Just for you.

Go see a live show, buy yourself a present, take a short trip to see a place you’ve never been, invest in a new hobby, take up a musical instrument.

And for fuck sake stay away from AI chats and social media!

why are you doing this?

You are still alive. You have a smartphone and a data plan. You are clearly educated. You are healthy enough to think and type.

So realistically, I’d say that puts you miles ahead of most humans of the past and the present.

Very few people post depressing stuff on Instagram.

Because you’re not seeing their lives, you’re seeing a photo box.

If you wanted to you could come up with your own wonderful life of your own specifically for Instagram to chase clout as it were.

Nobody posts how shitty their life is typically.