Every single person I know well has a double standard for something. Such as “I don’t need to improve my driving but everyone else sure does” or a “do as I say not as I do” rule, etc. Though certainly some more than other. This leads me to believe all people do it in some way.
Is it simply human nature?
My problem is i keep going on dates that turn into relationships without the title, i pay for dates, fix their car, help around their house and they act all cute and loving until you want to make it monogamous and suddenly its “oh i don’t really like you like that” or “really i can’t be in a relationship right now” etc. So I’ve changed my strategy to try to find people with the goal of eventually being in a relationship from the start.
I have a better solution for you, just tell these people ‘no’ when they start making their requests for help or paying for stuff. If they like you, they will respect that, if they don’t and flip out, they don’t like you. That is what I do no, and it basically means things end now after a month or two, and I"m not wasting months/years of my life anyone with someone who basically only wants to date me to treat me like shit.
Lots of people are more than happy to date someone they don’t like to get stuff from them. The folks you dated never liked you, they just saw you as a resource to use until someone they do like comes along. Hence why when you tried you date them for real, they bailed.
Just be grateful they bailed and didn’t keep seeing you and cheating on you while doing so. They at least respected you enough to not fuck you over like that!
also don’t go on expensive dates or pay for dates until you have an established mutual interest. i never go out for more than a coffee or drink, and they won’t get dinner or a proper date until we have gotten physical and established legit interest. and if she refuses this, and basically demands you buy her something nice for a date, you already know who she is and what she is looking for and that you are wasting your time.
Helping people is in my nature. My current crush i took her on a date, she was flirty over text, happily let me pay, mentioned she was impressed i offered to pick her up. After the date i was working up the courage to find a kiss so i decided to ask if she was seeing someone. She said “idk maybe” and proceeded to describe some fling she was in.
I decided not to get physical, fixed a lawnmower she was complaining about and now im trying for a second date to see if shes gonna be single now or what. Shes still texting me after the lawnmower ran so im happy i didn’t get ghosted but thats the end of the free trial. If she doesn’t wanna date, no more stuff is getting fixed for free. If the women don’t find you handsome, they sure should find you handy, I’m hoping for one that finds me both.
Ngl I’m a bit old school and usually i like to go on 3 dates before getting intimate. Partially because i want a relationship not just sex so thats part of my process. If we can’t enjoy a dinner without banging after, then we probably don’t actually like each other that much.