i - no nononononononono im not!!! >o< im - im not what u say i am---- im not.
im not im not im not - u dont know - what if im some disgusting chaser? >O< that would be awful!!! and u wouldnt know-
what if i - force feed babies with fries before they can digest them? that would be awful too!!! >O< that would be so maddening!!! and u wouldnt know-
what if im just ugly and - cant really be sympathized with because of that? u wouldnt know… but i do.
i just - i dont feel pretty. i dont feel like im a “good girl” i - i would only be okay with someone saying that if - … if… okay fine, imma say a thing. ive said it some time before but imma repeat myself here.
i see that saying “good girl” almost entirely as a sexual thing… not even as a pet name but essentially as just that… which is unfortunate! it seems like a really way to call someone and the qualifying adjective “good” is - well - positive! and girl is gender-affirming. so it should just feel nice to hear. but when i hear it, i just… i - … i , im like “i dont wanna be called that way… especially when the peeps dont know me personally”.
ive recently received a different name by someone. im not gonna say it - cuz it makes me feel things… not spicily, but… excitingly. so i know what a nice name feels like. and it feels great!!! i get super excited and am happy and - i feel like someone who is worth liking, someone who is allowed to take up space. someone who is allowed to want things even if i literally don’t allow myself to even imagine that.
… that makes me happy. im happy being called that. i like it. it makes me feel oh so happy. but - “good girl”? no. no, nonono thats not it. that doesnt make me feel good, that makes me feel like - its being asserted onto me.
(and no i wont tell u how that person calls me - thats my name and i get to keep it… >///< )
That’s fine. I’m happy that you have a phrase that makes you happy, even if you aren’t willing to tell me what it is. I’ve known you online for a while now, and I always meant it when I compliment you. your entire vibe is really sweet and it’s been amazing to see you grow into your own and overcome a lot of the dysphoria that was keeping you from being happy. I love how much more confident and happy you seem now, even if things still aren’t perfect.
You’ve also never been a chaser because you’ve always been one of us. Most of us could tell before you admitted it openly, ngl. You’re just so girl coded it’s precious
thank u for saying that… thats quite a (positive) whiplash coming from my previous comment being kinda aggressive and negative.
a lot - and i mean a lot if the co fidence comes from hrt. the placebo alone did a lot but now that… boobas are actually growing, my smell is changing a bit and… feelings are more explosive and active now… it has done so much.
no other drug could make me feel this good.
don’t worry, I have told my therapist about how terrible she has been so far. because she really - really really has been. I told her that i felt worse after each session, that I felt my topics are either not addressed, pushed under a rug or literally talked inbetween of… when I mentioned… playing with self harm, she went “oh no, we don’t do that stuff around here” and pulled out a generic depression book and didnt even let me talk about a thing I wanted to talk about… My mother was with me at that point and even she, on the drive home, went like “yea no she cut you off multiple times while you were trying to say something”… it won’t improve, but whatever - I’m trynna improve it anyway cuz whatever- I’m not paying for it… but wow. like… she really has been… the worst. while genuinely trying to be helpful. like - she really was trying her best but didnt notice… what I said… its crazy.
yapping over. more yapping incoming in the pancake video.
i - no nononononononono im not!!! >o< im - im not what u say i am---- im not.
im not im not im not - u dont know - what if im some disgusting chaser? >O< that would be awful!!! and u wouldnt know-
what if i - force feed babies with fries before they can digest them? that would be awful too!!! >O< that would be so maddening!!! and u wouldnt know-
what if im just ugly and - cant really be sympathized with because of that? u wouldnt know… but i do.
i just - i dont feel pretty. i dont feel like im a “good girl” i - i would only be okay with someone saying that if - … if… okay fine, imma say a thing. ive said it some time before but imma repeat myself here.
i see that saying “good girl” almost entirely as a sexual thing… not even as a pet name but essentially as just that… which is unfortunate! it seems like a really way to call someone and the qualifying adjective “good” is - well - positive! and
girlis gender-affirming. so it should just feel nice to hear. but when i hear it, i just… i - … i , im like “i dont wanna be called that way… especially when the peeps dont know me personally”.ive recently received a different name by someone. im not gonna say it - cuz it makes me feel things… not spicily, but… excitingly. so i know what a nice name feels like. and it feels great!!! i get super excited and am happy and - i feel like someone who is worth liking, someone who is allowed to take up space. someone who is allowed to want things even if i literally don’t allow myself to even imagine that.
… that makes me happy. im happy being called that. i like it. it makes me feel oh so happy. but - “good girl”? no. no, nonono thats not it. that doesnt make me feel good, that makes me feel like - its being asserted onto me.
(and no i wont tell u how that person calls me - thats my name and i get to keep it… >///< )
That’s fine. I’m happy that you have a phrase that makes you happy, even if you aren’t willing to tell me what it is. I’ve known you online for a while now, and I always meant it when I compliment you. your entire vibe is really sweet and it’s been amazing to see you grow into your own and overcome a lot of the dysphoria that was keeping you from being happy. I love how much more confident and happy you seem now, even if things still aren’t perfect.
You’ve also never been a chaser because you’ve always been one of us. Most of us could tell before you admitted it openly, ngl. You’re just so girl coded it’s precious
:o
<3 <3
thank u for saying that… thats quite a (positive) whiplash coming from my previous comment being kinda aggressive and negative.
a lot - and i mean a lot if the co fidence comes from hrt. the placebo alone did a lot but now that… boobas are actually growing, my smell is changing a bit and… feelings are more explosive and active now… it has done so much.
no other drug could make me feel this good.
don’t worry, I have told my therapist about how terrible she has been so far. because she really - really really has been. I told her that i felt worse after each session, that I felt my topics are either not addressed, pushed under a rug or literally talked inbetween of… when I mentioned… playing with self harm, she went “oh no, we don’t do that stuff around here” and pulled out a generic depression book and didnt even let me talk about a thing I wanted to talk about… My mother was with me at that point and even she, on the drive home, went like “yea no she cut you off multiple times while you were trying to say something”… it won’t improve, but whatever - I’m trynna improve it anyway cuz whatever- I’m not paying for it… but wow. like… she really has been… the worst. while genuinely trying to be helpful. like - she really was trying her best but didnt notice… what I said… its crazy.
yapping over. more yapping incoming in the pancake video.
Thank goodness you let her know how shit she was. She is an actual menace to society if she can’t properly deal with depression.
Damn go off lady, if that’s how it makes you feel that’s you it makes you feel.
Even if the other commenter was trying to sincerely be nice, you got every right to feel that way.
yes, TotallyNotJessica is very nice. we have known each other for a whiiile on lemmy now… so, … i believe that its okay to say stuff like this.
we have talked about plenty stuff before and i believe its okay to be open with my thoughts here.
cuz where else am i gonna be open with my thoughts? my therapist? gosh no- pfff >v<
Preach, I’m not paying money to go risk getting sent to grippy socks jail.
hehe yeaaa- i get therapy for free so its less of a “this makes literally no sense” thing for me…
but yeaaa i got a really bad… therapist… really bad… - ohgosh-