• ladybugs@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Social norms, basically. I have unusual ideals about some important but very personal aspects of a relationship. Talking about those aspects early on is seen as a red flag in my community, but not talking about them means we’re probably wasting each other’s time.

    You could probably get around this with the right dating apps, but those are data privacy nightmares.

  • disregardable@lemmy.zip
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    9 days ago

    Right now, I’ve gotten attached enough to get sad when he leaves. And like, we live apart, so he has to leave every time.

  • Dookieman12@piefed.social
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    9 days ago

    The “getting to know you” phase. All the same questions and answers, where are you from, what are your hobbies, how many brothers and sisters do you have, giving the same answers as always but pretending not be bored by it.

    Things are much better once you either get past that stage or mutually decide it doesn’t matter and just get to what you came for

  • CombatWombat@feddit.online
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    9 days ago

    They’re like, a whole different person with different wants and needs than me, so like, I have to listen to them and communicate and sometimes I even have to do things I don’t want to just because they do? It’s all very annoying and it would be much easier if they just thought and did everything just the way I wanted all the time.

    • Okokimup@lemmy.world
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      8 days ago

      Have you seen What We Do in the Shadows (TV series)? That didn’t work out too well for Nandor.

    • TrippaSnippa@aussie.zone
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      9 days ago

      I have 2 kids as well as my wife, so I now have 3 other whole separate people whose wants and needs I have to consider. I love my wife and kids dearly and wouldn’t want to live without them, but single life was much easier in some regards.

  • underscores@lemmy.zip
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    9 days ago

    Everything about relationships suck except for the step where they feel like your best friend (or one of)

    It takes a lot of effort to get there and most relationships do not make it there

    First intimate milestones are always fun

  • partial_accumen@lemmy.world
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    9 days ago

    Knowing that one if us will be without the other when one of us eventually dies first at some unknown point in the future hopefully from old age. It certainly beats the alternative though of not having met and fallen in love.

  • blarghly@lemmy.world
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    9 days ago

    The fact that not every hot person wants to fuck me. It is truly the great tragedy of my life.

    • AskewLord@piefed.social
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      9 days ago

      it also means all fault and responsibility is in your camp, and the other person considers themselves blameless in all things.

      • sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz
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        9 days ago

        In certain places and frameworks. It’s happened the other way around where I live to where dudes got to walk free after SAing a child. But either was seems to not be as much of a thing in cultures that are less focused on punitive justice

  • The actual dating part. Aside from 2 relationships I had in my high school days, everyone I dated I met through dating apps and it just feels forced. Like, we didn’t meet naturally and know literally nothing about each other, so it just feels like work to accomplish a goal and not having fun with a friend. So much effort is spent getting to know the other person and it kinda feels like a job. I wish I could skip that part and just be in the “best friends that have sex” phase forever.

    • SmoothOperator@lemmy.world
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      9 days ago

      I love getting to know new people. Especially in the context of sexual tension. People are so interesting when it’s about themselves, their emotions, worldviews and preferences.

      Getting to know what people are genuinely excited about is always fun! To me at least.

    • finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world
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      9 days ago

      I wish I could skip that part and just be in the “best friends that have sex” phase forever.

      “Success is your journey, not your destination”.

    • Gentryfried@feddit.ukOP
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      8 days ago

      Dating apps make me SICK. They should be wiped out. All of us who oppose them should form our own microstate; we’re anti AI, anti dating apps, I’m sure there’s a lot more common ground than that.

      Even though i don’t think I believe in “soulmates” I’m scared that the suitors best suited for me are going to never meet me because women my age seem afraid of relationships that aren’t struck up via dating app.

      Someone showed interest in me then gave me the cold shoulder because apparently not having social media means I’m not “on the dating market”? I’m worried it will happen again ad infinitum, basically.

  • AskewLord@piefed.social
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    9 days ago

    the fact many folks complete lose all moral compass, common sense, and reason when it comes to romantic relationships. and thus end up in destructive patterns to themselves and others.

    blows my mind how like, many of my exes were upstanding folks to the outside world, but when it came to me and our relationship, lying, cheating, stealing, hypocrisy and all that was 100% justified, because feelings.

    the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.

    • Gentryfried@feddit.ukOP
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      8 days ago

      the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.

      Do you have examples of this? It sounds interesting but I don’t totally get what you’re talking about yet

      • AskewLord@piefed.social
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        6 days ago

        look at any dating advice on social media. it’s all about how to manipulate and abuse people to get money or sex out of them.