Someone brought this up in another current thread: consider your end goal. What result do you want from an interaction, and how can you act in a way most likely to make that happen?

So often we react in an emotional way, and act like punishing someone else because they behaved inappropriately is the only just response. And i’m not saying you should ignore bad behavior or that no one should experience consequences for their actions. This advice is literally just to consider your options, to determine what course of action will most likely get what you desire rather than what feels good in the moment.

Do small, but good things, that nobody else sees. Pick up trash, fix something, let someone in front of you in traffic, smile and thank your cashier, hold a door for people, give a $5 bill of to an old person panhandling, etc. You will know you are doing positive stuff without credit, and you YOURSELF will recognize that you are a good person, and that will change how you want interact with everyone else. Eventually others will recognize it, too.

Be kind to service workers.

Patience, thank yous, and trying to understand how to make their job easier (e.g. not waiting to look at the fast food menu until you’re at the front).

Short, low stakes practice.

Say “hi” with a smile, to people you pass by, even if it’s fake. The end results are the same to the recipients.

Ask questions and don’t assume you somehow know a person or their life better than they do. Nothing more annoying than a person attempting to “help” but ends up coming across as a condescending dismissive asshole.

I have my own personal thoughts on this, so take this how you will.

Think about times where you have been angry at how people miss handled situations with you and try not to put others in the same boat if you ever find yourself in a flipped position.

Putting yourself in another person’s shoes also helps. If somebody is doing something that you don’t agree with but you might do if you were in the same situation as them, then you should probably cut them some slack or at least respond proportionately.

A really big one was a lot of people is stress and having trouble dealing with their own problems. A lot of the time people will act much harsher and disregard others when they have tunnel vision from their own issues. Being aware of your own current mindset can be helpful for realizing that you might need to take a step back and breathe before committing an action or saying something that you might not mean later.

It all basically comes down to the Golden rule and being aware that other people exist and have their own problems and perspectives.

Take extra time to consider other peoples’ perspectives or take notice if they’re acting different than usual. You might be able to make them smile when they need it, or understand their frustration a little better or even find a way to help them without them having to ask. Some people want help but don’t know how to express it, so paying some extra attention can let you figure it out without making it seem like they’re being needy or whatever.

Be gentle with yourself. For example if you make an error, withhold calling yourself stupid, or think it. Reassure yourself that errors happen, and learn from it.

Mindfulness. Note your behaviors. Note what leads to your behaviors. It’ll give you insight into what in your life and in your mind leads to “kind” actions as well as what leads to “unkind” actions, which is a huge part of the effort to become more kind.

I tell folks, “Be safe.”

Doesn’t sound like much, but a lot of folks I say that too change their attitude to me if it’s poor. They see I care about them enough to want them to be safe.

Also asking everyone at drive thru before I take my order. “How are you doin’ today?” Bonus points when they reply and ask how I am. I’ll say “I’m alive n kickin’.” Which if they say “that’s good.” Or something I reply “that’s what they tell me, but I think they’re lying.”

I have gotten so many laughs out of it. Folks just not excepting me to say it.

And just being nice to anyone. Giving em the goddamn time of day.

Realize that we’re only alive because of the sun. If it could, it would laugh at us for fighting each other.

When you go through a self-closing door and someone is just a few steps behind you, keep it open.

If you’re having a bad day (like those days where you get up “on the wrong side of the bed” / you just can’t get going), go out of your way to do something kind for someone. It’s a kind of brain hack because your brain has trouble with the cognitive dissonance of “I feel terrible” and “I did this nice thing”, so you will feel better after.

Of course, you can also just do the nice thing whenever you see an opportunity. My general philosophy is that there are so many problems I can’t do anything about, I try to never let a problem I can do something about go by. Even if it’s just something small.

Always go above and beyond to be nice to service workers. Even if they aren’t helpful. Even if they are rude. I promise they had a worse day than you did. You can still ask for whatever you need, but do it politely. Don’t raise your voice. If they are helpful, thank them, and if you can, say something nice about them to a manager.

Offer blowjobs without asking anything in return.

If you see a nail on the road, pick it up