None of my fucking business.
See, that’s the thing about people being grown-ass adults. They get to decide what does and doesn’t work for them.
And, despite people that want to knee jerk the matter, there’s less difference between those two ages than there is between a 21 and 25 year old.
Personal development is heavily front loaded. By the mid to late twenties, most people are who they’ll always be. Friendship, romance, whatever. The only real barrier to age gaps are cultural touchstones and a handful of probable experiences (like job stuff, kids, etc) that aren’t even guaranteed to not be present.
Folks just get all het up over it because they’re morons that can’t look outside of themselves long enough to realize that their motivations and concepts towards other people aren’t actually universal.
Two consenting adults are just fine, and nobody else has an opinion that matters about them
Yeah, when I was 23 I had to break up with my 18yo girlfriend after less than a month.
At first it was like, “hell yeah, 18yo tail,” but it very quickly became, “holy shit, this is wrong; she’s still a child.”
At 25, you are old enough to take care of yourself and make decisions in your own best interest. Will it be perfect? Not necessarily, but you’re allowed to make mistakes in life.
Are you seeking validation, or condemnation?
(46/2)+7 = 30. 30 is the floor. 25 is too young.
That whole rule is completely arbitrary and has no basis in reality.
Many things are completely arbitrary and yet have weight. Laws. Language. Being arbitrary is not sufficient reason to discard the idea on its own.
It has basis in reality in that it reflects the experience and judgement of many people. It’s a common expression. Given this post seeks the judgment of people, that basis is insufficient to discard it.
Your reasoning is bad.
- 15 is too young
- 25 is prime fertility
- 35 is best of luck?
You even doubled down with your edit 🤣
Of course, but people still don’t get the joke.
Its the government’s plan, to make women have as many babies as they possibly can, more bodies for the next planned war in ~20 years.
Schrödingers joke.
Women are only good for producing children?
The only reason to have a relationship is to reproduce?
Time to reevaluate some things
I’m not evaluating anything, the government is.
I’m just observing.
Time to observe something else
Like what? This is daily news, like everywhere.
What am I supposed to look at otherwise, the stars? Too cloudy tonight, and even on a clear night I’m lucky if I can see a dozen stars.
Anyways, I live in the USA, and I do not approve of the illiterate demented pedophile in charge.
the government is
This is getting funnier. Are you messing with us?
A troll is begging for food. Don’t feed the trolls.
A good troll is entertaining. This one needs practice. Keep feeding him; I could use the laugh.
No, the government is messing with you. They fuck couches and do other things…
What the fuck incel.
I speak out of my ass, to mock the US government and the orange shitstain in charge. Am I wrong?..
Must be a bot. No other explanation. Just jumping in with Trump out of the blue.
No bot, just a human that wishes the world wasn’t so fucked up to even say such things.
Not my thing, but none of my business.
Meh, go have fun.
When I was 25, I would have said “of course it’s not a problem, they’re both adults. As long as they’re happy it’s fine.” and that is true, but now that I’m closer to 46 I have some additional caveats around “as long as they’re happy”.
You know how in order to really develop a skill, you have to do it for a long time? I think relationships are like that. If I were to compare it to chess, this scenario is kind of like someone who’s been playing chess competitively for 20 years playing against someone playing their first major tournament. It doesn’t mean that the more experienced player is guaranteed to win, or even that they’re better at chess, but it does confer some advantage because playing in a tournament is very different from playing chess casually or in clubs. There’s money at stake, your reputation is on the line, people may be watching you play and commentating in real time. It’s just a different activity altogether, even though it is still technically “just playing chess”. It really helps to get a few tournaments under your belt to get comfortable with the nerves, the additional tournament rules, publicly making a really stupid error, etc. If it’s your first time you might make some rookie errors. That’s part of being a rookie.
Where the analogy breaks down is that with chess, there is a brief competition with clear rules and referees, and there is (almost) always a clear outcome: win, lose, or draw. With relationships, A) it’s supposed to be cooperative, not a competition, and B) if your relationship partner is skilled at manipulation, you could be in a losing position for a long time and not know it, because you haven’t had the time to develop the skills necessary to identify what a dysfunctional adult relationship looks like.
This doesn’t mean that a relationship with a small age gap can’t be toxic, or that relationships with a large age gap can’t be healthy and happy.
But
I have observed a pattern of older people (usually, but not exclusively, men) who serially date young adults because those young people don’t recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. These are rookie errors, and there is no shame in them. Everyone that does anything new has a rookie period, and this includes adult relationships. These older people take advantage of that naivete instead of working on themselves to become the kind of partner that people want to stay with after really getting to know them. As soon as these young partners begin to understand these problems and challenge them, they end the relationship and trade them out for a younger model. You can be unhappy in a toxic relationship for a long time and be unable to identify why you are so unhappy, because they know the tricks. Undercut your partner’s relationships with their other friends or family, accuse them of not being smart enough or loving enough or patient enough, make them financially dependent on you. There are a lot of tricks, and people refine their techniques with each partner. And when you’ve just started having adult relationships, you are at a serious disadvantage if you wind up in a relationship like this because you just haven’t lived long enough to see firsthand how this kind of thing plays out.
It’s not that there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it, but it does ping my danger radar. My danger radar sometimes gets false readings, but I still pay attention to it.
This is an excellent take and lines up pretty strongly with my personal experience.
People on reddit and lemmy have weird ideas about relationships ought to be.
Provided that both people are adults then age in itself isn’t a problem.
I mean, if a 25 year old has several 50 year old “boyfriends” who each give her a stack of pocket money each month and pay her rent and everything, more power to her right?
The problems arise from a power imbalance. If an older guy has manipulated a younger woman into getting trapped in a shit relationship then that sucks but its not the age that’s the problem.
I largely agree that it’s not the age that’s the problem.
The thing is that the age is a useful proxy for all sorts of things that might lead to such power imbalances.
Including:
- emotional/mental maturity
- life experiences to avoid such imbalances
- financial stability and well being
It isn’t absolute, and context matters, but it is a useful proxy.
Forgive me but, describing age as “a useful proxy” just sounds like shitty behavior to me. I’m not trying to say you’re a shitty person, just that your comment seems to be sane-washing prejudism.
FWIW I agree. A 50 year old guy “dating” a 25 year old woman has an increased likelihood that a power imbalance exists. However, it’s still profiling and prejudiced and a generalisation.
For example, domestic violence may be more prevalent among indigenous communities, but suggesting that indigenous status is “a useful proxy” for a determination that domestic violence is more likely is obviously inappropriate.
FWIW I agree. A 50 year old guy “dating” a 25 year old woman has an increased likelihood that a power imbalance exists. However, it’s still profiling and prejudiced and a generalization.
It’s not prejudiced at all. a key component of something be a prejudice is that it is unfair, or is somehow unreasonable, etc, and that it is not based in fact. As you yourself noted, there is significant reason to believe such a large age gap may prove to be problematic.
I think the technical term is ‘risk factor’, if you prefer that.
And yes, significant age gaps are significant risk factors for a toxic relationship. it’s not the age itself, necessarily, but it increases the potential for things that are absolutely abusive, and if your doctors know about it, they’re going to be fielding more detailed questions to determine if there’s a problem. And family might be people who have something to say about it as well. That’s not inappropriate.
And it’s not really “profiling” either. That’s an investigative tactic of collection information about a person. profiling becomes problematic with the information is their race (or something to that effect) and their race becomes the justification for extra attention.
Bit weird but none of my business.
None of my fucking business.
How would I feel? Uncomfortable. What would I do with that feeling if it’s based on exclusively my knowledge of their ages? Nothing.
When I was 28, I dated a 43 year old and it was a fine relationship. He agreed to stay in shitty hotels when we traveled because it was all I could afford and I didn’t want to take his money. He was definitely more emotionally mature and experienced than I was though and that’s what made us ultimately incompatible.
I would feel it’s none ofy business what two adults are doing
It’s legally fine. The 25 year old doesn’t know better. I’ll judge the heck out of the 46 year old.
I can see it being difficult relating to one another but if they can get past that and any judgment society puts on them, it could work.
Am I, or someone I love, the 46 year old, or the 25 year old?
The only time I would care is if the answer to the first question is “yes” or if one of the parties isn’t acting consensually… Otherwise, its not any of my business, as they’re both consenting adults.
If more people worried about themselves, and less about what others are doing, the world would be better off.
Mind ya business, people.
