Hey, well I haven’t been much active lately.

To be honest mood has been a bitch. Up and down a lot with some bad thoughts and all. At least I’m not alone but gosh this is getting hard. I’m honestly feeling like I’m failing at life like what is the point.

I know this state is temporary but heck I can’t seem to find the medical support I need.

On a side note, I started doing roller derby🛼. Gosh I’m really out of shape. But I know in the long run it’s going to do good. It’s a bit like life, I’m falling down, it’s physically hard to keep up but I’m getting back up eventually.

It’s hard to reach out. Even if I do what am I to say? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. What can they do? I’m at good E levels, T low. It is a mental health thing. But the more I try to understand my problems the more I feel like I’m going into a rabbit hole and left even more confused.

I feel like it’s because I started digging a trauma I’m pretty sure is hidden in my memory. Because I know the impact it had on me not who or what. (But I have my guesses because I have a few triggers now I’ve learned to understand)

Anyway, another good note is that I feel more and more feminine. Dysphoria is now a bit less problematic but still having troubles with my own body.

Stay strong everybody. I’ll try to be. I have been so far. I have made so much effort to be where I am today. I’m not going waste them. Sending love 💜 Lily