It’s not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I’ve been like this all my life. I’ll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn’t around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.
Same thing with people using my name. I don’t mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don’t know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.
I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening “thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?” I assumed the unspoken rule was that I’m giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.
Edit:
Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.
For most people, their own name is one of their favorite sounds in the world. If my friends didn’t call me by my name, I wouldn’t think we were as close of friends.
If you know somebody’s name, it’s really good and normal to greet them using their name. Even if you only say their name during the greeting, it will improve relationships and moods with just that. It’s so important that I would even recommend that you “fake it 'till you make it” in this case. Even if it feels awkward, start greeting people in person by saying something like, “Hi Steve,” or whatever similar greeting feels comfortable to you.
You can use people’s names more that that, but it’s a skill how to use names without being too weird. So if you’re not used to it, start with greetings.
I’m blind, which I could have mentioned in the OP for extra context but eh. People often greet me without telling me who they are, or even making it clear I’m the one they’re greeting.
Remembering names, as I understand it, is a very visual thing. Humans use visual cues to tell people apart. I don’t have that option, and there’s no polite way for me to say “hi, who are you again?” When I have the chance I’ll tell people to identify themselves when saying hello to me, and ideally also remind me how I know them if they see me out and about as opposed to wherever I first met them.
If I only have to interact with you over a single day, I can pretty easily use things like clothing, hair and skin tone to differentiate people, but one change of clothes later and you’re a stranger. Over time I can match voices to names but it’s not as quick as the visual method. Odor is another big one, if they use perfume or body spray, if they smoke, or if they cook in a way that produces distinct odors.