- cross-posted to:
- lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org
- cross-posted to:
- lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org
My whole life I have hated, been disgusted by and been tormented by the fact that I am not enough of a man. I am a 37 years young cisman - or so I thought - and watching this video gave me more in one hour than two years of expensive therapy has. By the way, here is the invidious link for anybody who prefers that.
It wasn’t the theme or discussion of “incel to trans pipepline” that meant anything to me perse, but rather hearing the content creator sharing their life’s story and the story of their struggle. And of victory.
I hate that I was born in and that I grew up in such a transphobic and toxic age. I wish I had discovered earlier that a life in which I give zero f*cks about perception - and even less f*cks about expectations regarding gender and gender expression and roles - is possible.
I don’t know where I’ll go from here. But I feel like I can at least breath, because there may be a way - whether it’s transitioning or “simply” adjusting my attitude towards myself - that’s not about trying to accept suffering or that “life is hard” or whatever bullshit people have been feeding me, regardless of their intentions.
Thank you for letting me vent. If this post is in anyway inappropriate in regards to the rules of this community and/or instance, feel free to remove it.



Ah yes, I’ve watched that one several times. The last part really hits you straight in the feels.
One thing that surprised me about transitioning is how easy it is to just be myself now. Growing up I of course felt that I was in some way “failing” to live up to some kind of masculine ideal, but at the same time was totally repulsed by it. Women were a kind of mysterious unknown, and yet I was painfully jealous of them. And now, all that cognitive dissonance has vanished. Hanging out with women who now feel safe opening up to me, I don’t need to constantly monitor myself to make sure I’m “performing” properly. It was such a shock (but obvious in hindsight) to realize these people are just like me. Even more so in sapphic spaces :3