"So I was trying to write reviews of a bunch of hit indie games I played recently. Then I got overwhelmed by the pointlessness of video game reviews these days and had to take a long nap.
And, I mean, pro reviews are pointless, right? If a game has a big enough budget or following and isn’t actively on fire, it gets a 9. If it is a competently made but low-budget indie, like mine, it gets a 7. If you read the actual review (nobody does), it’s a collection of facts about the game you could easily get from watching the trailer. Throw in a couple of comments from the reviewer about whether they like this genre or not, mix in 3 or 4 ham-handed political comments, and you got a review! Hit send!"
I like the part where reviewers have a scale then use less than half that scale. Like 5 star movie reviews where half of films are 4 star or higher and 99% are 3 star or higher. Maybe if a movie has an incoherent story, is obnoxious AND offensive, and sounds like it was filmed in a well then it’ll be 2.5 stars. To get 2 stars it has to be something that doesn’t even qualify as a movie and thus won’t get ranked.