Being autistic was a key part of my experience. I always chalked up my differences from male peers to autism. I was already trying to be normal in other ways, so gender wasn’t as unique.

I had plenty of signs, but I took every instance where I didn’t relate to other transfems as evidence of being cis. I was afraid of not actually being trans and making a mistake. I wanted to be totally certain, not realizing that coming out requires a leap of faith for most.