As cliche and cheesy as it sounds you need to learn to love yourself before others can love you. It sounds like you are self isolating as a form of self sabotage and self punishment. You need to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say “I have a right to exist”. When you are out in public and feel insecure you need to say to yourself “I have a right to be here, this is my space like everyone elses”. You are not a criminal, you have done nothing wrong and you don’t owe anyone anything especially money. I struggle with avoidance as well and what helps me is to book appointments or tickets to events to force me to go. Unlike going for a walk in the park which I can do any time so I put it off and never do it. If you start going outside you will build up your confidence and meet new people.

There’s a really good video essay about Nolan’s Western depiction of the Odyssey: https://youtu.be/yFn1JfOd3b0

Comments sections on youtube videos from psychologists talking about parental narcissistic abuse?