IMO the technology community.

I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Keep your head held high and know things are going to get better.

It’s good to hear that you are making moves to better your life. I know you will find many happy days ahead. Take care.

which com is best for selfhosting?

Not sure what you mean. Would you, please, elaborate?

People using somewhat anonymous accounts feel that they can get away with behavior that would otherwise not be tolerated in real life. If someone doesn’t want to be subjected to such behavior, then there are few options. One of them being refraining from using online forums.