So ive been out as trans for about 3-4 months. Everything has been great so far in terms of coming out and trying out new things. Ive spent quite a bit to switch out my wardrobe and there will be more.
For some context. Ive been basically dissociating my whole life. Theres never really been a “me”, ive just been following societal expectations and returned to the computer whenever my presence wasnt obligated or expected elsewhere. This has made it very hard to navigate life after coming out as trans. What do I even have to compare to? Do i feel better now than before? I know ive always been intrigued by feminine clothing and makeup and never felt “at home” /“at ease” with boys being boyish. I usually ended up in “the weird kids corner” and initially had no thoughts about being trans for many years. At first I thought I just had autism, and i still do, for several reasons. But when i realized thats probably not the entire puzzle things started to make more sense.
Anyways. I just went on vacation with some friends and we roadtripped down to another friend in Germany. While there her girlfriend kindly gifted me 2 3-packs of Gynokadin, 0.6mg/g estradiol gel. Now I just keep staring at them unsure of what to do. Ive been considering for the last 2 months whether it is time to get on to HRT but something in my brain is very afraid.
The one who gave them to me is now doing DIY injections and just didnt have any use for them. She basically told me “you can just try it”. And I dont know, im afraid i’ll feel nothing at all or even worse, bad, on it, and im just afraid everything will come shambling down? The dream is ofcourse to have my mental state improve and actually become a person but I have no idea where to go right now.
My original plan was to maybe start HRT via a private clinic (public healthcare has about 3,5-4 years wait time here) and just pray that improvements to mental health could prove my point but that feels like an extremely unwise diagnosis-by-medication strategy my brain tells me is stupid.
What would you do? Tips? Struggles? Experiences? Anything is welcome ❤️
Ayy, congrats!
Practical matters first: for gel you apply it in the area between crotch and knee, on the inner front side of the leg, if my mind fails me not. Follow the instructions on the gel.
You’ll have to let it dry for 10 min and not come in contact with other things, before putting clothes on (and then you can go about with your day). Don’t shower/bathe in the hour after, after that it should be fully absorbed.
Do you use anti-androgens? I’m not sure if gel should ( @WillStealYourUsername@piefed.blahaj.zone , please tell me), but if so, you should get anti-androgen injections once every 12 weeks.
The anti-androgen injections will affect your libido (usually crashing it, you’ll notice a few days after). The estrogen’s effects vary on the body and with time, but generally, the first you’ll notice is mentally. Some people report a brain fog being lifted, others feel like they’re happier, others as if they see more ‘life’ with their eyes. Not everyone has those, but they occur in the first month.
Your fertility will also be affected (the longer, the more it’s affected), so if you want biological children and don’t want to risk having to discontinue HRT for three months, I’d freeze your reproductive cells first before starting. HRT by itself does not halt fertility altogether.
Don’t feel like you’re missing out on what to do in your transition! Your body, your choice.
Up to about 3 months, most stuff is reversible, giving you ample time to reflect on how you feel. Once breast buds appear, that is irreversible. In case you doubt whether to start, my advice is that only you can decide. It’s a big jump, but whether or not you decide what to do, you got support.
The voice won’t rise by itself, so if that is a source for dysphoria for you, I’d recommend voice training. Voice Tools is a handy app for that, alongside Acoustic Gender Box(?).
Breast and hip growth takes the longest, about 2 years minimum but it can easily take 5, less often even 10 years to fully round out (progesteron may help with rounding, as well fem libido).