So ive been out as trans for about 3-4 months. Everything has been great so far in terms of coming out and trying out new things. Ive spent quite a bit to switch out my wardrobe and there will be more.
For some context. Ive been basically dissociating my whole life. Theres never really been a “me”, ive just been following societal expectations and returned to the computer whenever my presence wasnt obligated or expected elsewhere. This has made it very hard to navigate life after coming out as trans. What do I even have to compare to? Do i feel better now than before? I know ive always been intrigued by feminine clothing and makeup and never felt “at home” /“at ease” with boys being boyish. I usually ended up in “the weird kids corner” and initially had no thoughts about being trans for many years. At first I thought I just had autism, and i still do, for several reasons. But when i realized thats probably not the entire puzzle things started to make more sense.
Anyways. I just went on vacation with some friends and we roadtripped down to another friend in Germany. While there her girlfriend kindly gifted me 2 3-packs of Gynokadin, 0.6mg/g estradiol gel. Now I just keep staring at them unsure of what to do. Ive been considering for the last 2 months whether it is time to get on to HRT but something in my brain is very afraid.
The one who gave them to me is now doing DIY injections and just didnt have any use for them. She basically told me “you can just try it”. And I dont know, im afraid i’ll feel nothing at all or even worse, bad, on it, and im just afraid everything will come shambling down? The dream is ofcourse to have my mental state improve and actually become a person but I have no idea where to go right now.
My original plan was to maybe start HRT via a private clinic (public healthcare has about 3,5-4 years wait time here) and just pray that improvements to mental health could prove my point but that feels like an extremely unwise diagnosis-by-medication strategy my brain tells me is stupid.
What would you do? Tips? Struggles? Experiences? Anything is welcome ❤️
I am currently on Gynokadin as well with testo blockers though.
If I would be in the situation of having 6 cans of gynokadin and no other acces to hormones I would probably do the following
In my experience Gel is not so easy to get right there is stuff you have to watch out for, putting it on the right spots, switching spots, not getting clothes on too soon, getting a feel for the area needed.
I feel like the postive effects from E did take a lot longer to set in than the positive effects of not having testosterone in my system (which is a lot more easy with blockers) .
If taking mono therapy I would probably start on 4-6 pumps per day doing 2-0-2, 3-0-2, 2-0-3 or 3-0-3 but this will likely not be sufficent for T suppresion (I would look into scrotal application for that). If I could acces it I would get bloodwork done. The bottles should last about 4-6 month but I am not so sure about that.
The route over a private clinic would probably be better. I think starting with a professional is generally better and if it wont wake too long, I would just try to hold on. Also if I was going to a professional and am already on some hormones I would communicate that or stop 3-4 weeks before your appointments so my levels are “normal” I guess. they could underdose me otherwise. I would also look for info on transfemscience.org for tapering down and doing DIY in general
I am not a healthcare professional and my writing is based on my own experience with the product, I am just saying what I would do in that hypothetical situation and this should not be taken as medical advice
transfemscience.org is generally a good ressource
Hello, late reply but im just curious as to what you meant by 2-0-2 etc? Im assuming you refer to dosage per location.
Ive looked into scrotal application and actually did start with that. Will report back on the effects in a couple of weeks. It is kind of a mess though since its alot of gel for a not very big area.
So far no immediate downsides or side effects atleast. If i feel better or just not bad after a while I will probably contact private care and get proper care from there. Time will tell.