cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/11286054
Hello everyone, I have an update on my situation: My father (the arrogant dog that broke into my room several times and has done other immoral things that are illegal) is pressuring me to get a job or go to school (some college) in THIS ECONOMY, and I am really stressed out (maybe even depressed) because I do not know what to do. I kind of want to make a Bluesky account because it is social media and I could ask for help there or something (and it might have more people to talk to). Any advice would be helpful.
I live in America as a 20 year old Asian enby (I think?), and I am not sure what I want to do besides leave the house my parents live in (they are humongous jerks). The issue with me moving out is that I do not have any job prospects (I am thinking of quitting college), many connections (I only talk to a few people online), or a mentally sound mind (I have PTSD and depression among other things). What should I do?
Edit: I live in Florida and wish I could move out of America (because fascism is awful) but I have no money and might have student debt (if I understand how Bright Futures works). The job market in America is well-known for being thoroughly broken, so I am kinda ruined in that regard.
Edit 2: The reason why I want to leave is due to both not wanting to be constantly triggered by the annoying things my other family members do (having parents that do not understand that I do not want them to break into my room [not in this house, but it is a different story, so ask if you want to know the story] is an example) and also the fact that my parents actually did some really horrible stuff in the past that the police did not help me with. My parents are honesty a big part of why I have such severe mental issues (yet they are so emotionally ignorant that it grates my brain every time I try to talk to them or ignore them).
Edit 3: The particular mental illnesses that I likely have (because I never got a diagnosis for any of them) are PTSD, OCD (including a particularly nasty form that causes me to fear a certain group of people), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (not sure if social anxiety is included), and likely several others. I am also likely on the autism spectrum. All of these make jobs that would be easy to others come across as difficult to me.
In my city there is at least one org that I know of that offers social services for queer youths, including therapy, career counseling, support groups and funding for professional training. Are there any similar services in your area that you can access?
Solidarity to you, wish I had more useful input because I’ve been trapped in a similar situation in my teens and early 20s and I know how much it sucks, but the economy wasn’t such a hellscape back then and I don’t want to sound condescending and out of touch.
Hmm, that sounds interesting. Could you tell me the name of the organization?
Ok, I did a little research, and there seem to be some in several places within Florida, but not in my area, so if I have to go to one, I would have to move. It might be worth it in the long run, because there are barely any resources for anything where I am.
I am not planning on being homeless, but if that happens, then I might move anyways (there is nothing over here in this suburban sprawl).
Does your college offer mental health services by chance?
It does, but I kind of ::: collapsed mentally ::: during a semester and now I do not have the mental fortitude to go anymore (in my opinion).
Edit: It is also a university service, so I do not really trust them (even though client confidentiality is presumed), and besides, I only have a limited number of free uses before I end up having to pay. Also, the last time I had a therapist was awful (they were anti-communist too), so the bad experience makes me never want to go to therapy ever again.
If your family doesn’t bring safety to you, then you should find a way out.
I’m not sure if dropping out of college would help at all. Perhaps better to go through it, at least then your chances of getting a job are better.
However, in the case of dropping out you should come up with some kind of profession that suits your situation. Something that you can do regardless of your location, remote work.
This might be extremely difficult in your situation, so you may need to find your way out and heal first before entering into work.
Going abroad is an option if you find work, a study place, or a partner who can help you. This however may not be an instant fix as moving abroad can make your mental health worse due to new stressors, despite of the root causes (family?) being no longer around.
I don’t have a perfect solution to offer. Just do those things that bring you closer to the life you want to have. I’m sure you’ll get through this. ❤️
Your heart was super sweet. My family does not make me feel safe, yet I feel like my life has been taken out of my hands and cast into the wind.
Regardless, I do not know if I can continue with college due to my mental health deteriorating rapidly after some nasty incidents involving a trigger of mine. Do you have a recommendation for how I should “heal”? I honestly think that only way I can heal is if they are arrested for what they did, but that is unlikely under capitalism. Also applying for jobs is shit because the market is awful (score -5000 for capitalism).
Justice would probably be at least a temporarily relief, but like you said, unlikely under capitalism. I hope you get justice one day.
Mind that I’m not professional in this area, but in my experience, I’d recommend first finding that safe space where your main stressors are no longer affecting your life. Change of environment will aid in healing. You’ll still have flashbacks, it’s a long road, but it’ll get easier when you’re not around your stressors. The tricky part is how you can do this without steady income.
I’m sure after weighing your options you’ll come up with a plan that helps you into that safe place you deserve. I wish strength to you.
Yeah, I am feeling very wrathful about it, but expecting capitalist dogs to help me out was really asking for too much.
What sort of safe space would you recommend? Honestly, I only have a small amount of money, and even homeless shelters (which are kind of awful due to funding being cut by republicans) are not what I would call “within walking distance”.
I know that the only real option is to leave at a certain point, though I do not know how to take the steps to do so. I just know that I need to get my passport somehow (one of my parents has it).
I’m not sure what I’d recommend, except that you do need that distance to your stressors. You know better if for example homeless shelter is suitable for this or not.
Personally if I was in need of a safe space I’d approach relatives who I have warm relations with, comrades, other friendly people, and seek that way out through them. I’d list my options, order them from most to least desired, then separate this list into two lists: what are in my reach right now, and what has some obstacles to overcome. After this I’d probably have some plan, and few alternatives if things go wrong.
Perhaps you could try mapping out your options in similar fashion? And yes, do get hold of your passport!
Yes, I do think getting my passport is one of my first priorities. Also, my stuff is at a certain location, so I have to get there as well. Unfortunately, no real relatives are particularly close with me, so help from them is unlikely. I will figure out a list of priorities though, so thanks.
Edit: The context behind me not having my passport is that my parent (not sure which one) bought it, and they have possession of it, so who owns it is a bit ambiguous to me.
You need it to register to vote.
Hmm? But I registered to vote without my passport in the 2024 election (though I do not remember how).
ID requirements are different now.
Woah really? Could you explain?
Am I weird for feeling sad at the lack of replies?
There are like 100 people here on Lemmygrad who use it once or more each day, we aren’t super numerous, but give it some time and other people will comment.
Solidarity, comrade. And never feel guilty for what you feel
Thank you so much, I do wish that it had more peeps sometimes but I guess the small amount is an advantage in a way (you see and get to know other peeps). Also, I feel guilty because of my response towards some things that the adult members of my family members did to me and my siblings, but I am not sure what the point of telling strangers online would be because the police did not do anything about it.
It does create a much more intimate environment.
And well, if you feel guilty for the way you reacted in the past, I’d reccomand to just keep the lesson you got from it (What do you wish you hadn’t done? How do you wish you had reacted instead?) and to not give too much importance to something that happened in the past. You gain wisdom and experience from mistake and trials and then you move on.
As Lenin said, “Learning is never done without errors and defeat.“
I would also like to point out that since you were abused, you were put in a nearly impossible situation! Who can react ‘well’ to abuse, especially when young? I think most people are unprepared to deal with it.
I’m sorry that you are put in such a difficult situation, and if the police doesn’t do anything, all you can do is find the best viable path for yourself, even if it’s hard.
Well, the lessons I learned were that the police are worthless and it hurts knowing what I know (you say “if the police doesn’t do anything”, but I know they will not).
Regardless of what happened, I have developed a detached outlook on the situation; I mean that I have zero hope that the problem will get resolved anytime soon, so I just end up feeling like there is little that matters in the world to me (do not worry about me, though).
I’m sorry that you’re put in a tough spot. Hobbies, friends (online and offline), self-care… you might want to do anything to make this hard life period even a little more bearable. I hope everything turns out fine for you as soon as possible.
I am thinking of making a social media account (not on any of the main ones with gross republicans swarming them) like Tumblr to maybe ask for help or just find communities to be a part of, which might be one way to look for all of the things you have mentioned.
However, what I will need to do is leave this house at some point, because it is utterly unbearable living in the same house as three curmudgeons do (and while I worry for what they might do to my siblings if I escape, it is not like I can do much while I am here either).
Giving an advice to complex social situations is not easy, this could explain the lack of replies. However, your feelings are valid and I can relate.
Thanks so much, I was just really stressed out and stuff (the lack of replies is definitely explained by what you said). How can you relate?
Exactly like that. Being stressed while seeking for help, and not getting it fast enough. This can happen to anybody, but I’m sure it’s tenfold to people with PTSD and anxiety.
Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing ok now.
