I don’t feel very good right now. I’m one year and some change on HRT. It’s been a wonderful experience so far and I love being a girl. I know that I’m trans, and I’m reminded by “why” every time I go home and I’m forced to boymode.
Unfortunately that’s little comfort to the complex feelings of starting to feel erectile dysfunction (ED). I just had sex with my trans girlfriend and she didn’t have much left. I can’t ignore this feeling I’m on that same path eventually.
I want some sort of function either male or female. Even though I still wish I was born with a vagina. It pains me to even think about going off HRT though. I love being a girl too much and I don’t think I could present fem without HRT. I still have most all of its function but it doesn’t stay up for as long.
It’s a completely irrational feeling that I hope will be solved eventually with SRS, but that’s probably 10 years away and I just learned how to be sexual 2 years ago.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but on the topic of MTF SRS, are the “consequences” as bad as they’re made out to be? I’ve heard stories about having to dilate daily for years, surgeons not being able to agree on how to take care of it in the long run, leading to infections, and so on. It made me pretty cautious of it, even though I think it sounds pretty cool in theory.
to be honest I haven’t heard what the “consequences” are that you’re referring to (other than debunked lies from TERFs about a vagina remaining as a permanent, open-wound, etc. - but I’m not even sure how widely those lies are believed at this point).
What kinds of infections did you have in mind?
A vaginoplasty fully heals and absolutely is not a long term risk for infection; the only way I could think it might increase infection risk is by not managing your microbiome through douching or other means, which does leave potential for increased UTI risk (this can happen in cis women as well), but I can’t tell if that’s what you are talking about or not. Either way, I would just say that no, vaginoplasty does not result in long-term risks of infection.
Vaginoplasties are very safe with low rates of complications and extremely low rates of regret, but it is true you have to dilate the rest of your life if you want to retain the canal at a particular width.
Dilation may not be as big of a deal as it sounds, e.g. eventually (at least >1 year after surgery) you can dilate once a week, and it’s up to you how thick you want your canal or what to prioritize, lots of women stop dilating many years after their surgery and continue to have a canal and are able to enjoy penetrative sex. If you stop dilating much later in life, it can also be possible to regain some width by going back to dilating with larger and larger sizes - you can stretch the canal back open (but there are limits to this, and in the first years of healing there can be stenosis that you can’t overcome).
I see, thanks for the response! The problems/consequences I was referring to were based on a post, I think even in this exact community, about someone who had bottom surgery and was having lots of trouble with it, from the hospital staff during the initial recovery being absolutely unfamiliar with it, to having to concoct their own cleaning solution to avoid infections and bad smells. It made me pretty concerned.
lol, that was probably me?
The “concoting their own cleaning solution” might have been making a lactic acid douche instead of using a vinegar douche?
But for context, that’s so I can cultivate a microbiome that is friendly to lactobacillus - not to prevent infection. It did improve the smell, but tbh there was a stable microbiome (not lactobacillus dominant) that stabilized over time without my regimen which was maybe not as good-smelling as the lactobacilli, but was also not an overtly bad smell like it could get when there was something going wonky down there. Also, none of it is relevant if you just follow the doctor’s orders: douche every other day with vinegar solution during recovery (eventually I think you can reduce frequency to “as is”).
The hospital staff issues I had were particular to the hospital I had my surgery in, and because that wing was short-staffed and had to pull staff from other wings. But those issues were in the end inconsequential and I recovered fully without issue. I don’t know how typical my experience was, and since my surgery that hospital no longer provides gender-affirming surgeries, so even that specific hospital’s problems aren’t relevant to future trans patients there.
Either way, none of this really bears on how safe and successful vaginoplasties are - I am very thankful I went through with mine despite the hardships I endured before and after the surgery.
You need to dilate for the rest of your life yes. The frequency will become less with many trans femme people dilating only once a week after a couple of years. Also, penetrative sex counts ;)
For people that aren’t interested in being penetrated (at least vaginally) and that don’t want to dilate there is also Zero Depth Vulvoplasty (also called Minimal Depth Vulvoplasty) where no vaginal canal is created and it’s “just” the vulva (the visible parts on the outside) that is sculpted.
As for infections: there is a trial and error period that is highly personal. For some people it involves douching regularly, especially in the beginning and inserting lacto-acid pills to encourage a sour-ish millieu that is close to a natal vagina’s.
would just add that the width & hardness of what you are penetrated with matters here - you can lose width / have stenosis from no longer dilating with a hard dilator and just relying on penetrative sex, if the width of your partner or your toys are not comparable
Excellent addition/clarification, thanks!
I’ve had bottom surgery and I never needed to dilate even once, since I don’t have a vagina. I had nullification surgery. I’ve got nothing down there but a uritty.
Nulloplasty isn’t for everyone, but it’s the absolute lowest maintenance bottom surgery and I love the results. I wear leggings all the time now. No bulge, no camel toe, no nothing.
I’d really like to go streaking at a protest and get arrested for exposing nothing. I want to go to cout and establish some precedent!