People using terminology referencing abuse on this website with no trigger warnings (which I thought was a bit of a safe place) hurts me so much. I feel stupid and weak for not being able to handle what others should be able to handle (and there is one person in particular that I am annoyed with, but I am not comfortable with revealing their name).
I feel less of a want to use this website because of the fear of pain and frustration I feel towards myself (and maybe towards the people that use such terms, but I am not sure how much of the blame should really be put on them).
is this about me? sorry for that post i made it in a haste but i deleted it now
To be honest, it was several people, though I forgot a lot of them (anyone I remember triggering me will be messaged privately), so I either cannot say or would rather not say.
I don’t mean this dismissively, but it’s kind of impossible for people to do anything about this if they don’t know what terms you have in mind, or who is using them. If you don’t feel safe bringing it up in detail publicly, you could consider reaching out to the admins in some way and see what they might be willing to put together for additional community guidelines if it’s a consistent problem. We can’t mind-read in order to act differently, so I’m not sure what we would do with this information, apart from trying to guess at what terms are triggering you and have you confirm/deny (which could be triggering), or offer sympathy and leave it at that (which is something, but doesn’t solve your problem).
Personally, I have very little idea of how/when to accommodate on such a thing. There doesn’t seem to be consistent convention on it and other than maybe one term that comes to mind at the moment, it is very non-obvious to me what terms are going to be a trigger. I’m also unclear on how it works for people who do get triggered in this way, if it’s “the general topic being discussed” or if it is very specific words. And if it is words themselves, can they vary from person to person who has trauma even within the same kind of trauma? In other words, I am wondering, what are the specific challenges of accommodating it. Is it as simple as a list of words that are easy to avoid, is it more about warnings on subject matter, like how does that work.
Not trying to put this all on you to explain. Just saying that I don’t really know what to do with the information.
P.S. You aren’t “stupid and weak”. A physiological reaction is just that - it’s something that happens before you can consciously decide whether it should. There are therapeutic approaches to trying to help with it, but the reaction itself is not your fault. It’s not like you’re deciding to have a trauma response. Therapy also isn’t a magic fix. But if you have any options there, it may help with coping, so that you feel more empowered in the face of this instead of fearing it as much. This does not preclude people trying to accommodate better. Both could make a difference together.
we could do what hexbear does and use content warnings, the way they seem to do it is put one in if you imagine someone might need one and/or if someone asks after posting
seems to work on their end
For me, I am triggered by the discussion of certain sensitive topics to the point where even hearing the words is enough to trigger me. I know it is rather unrealistic for me to expect people to understand what I am triggered by, but it seems like there is very little that gets censored here or even anything that gets so much as a trigger warning.
You can always contact one of the admins if you have concerns. If you have any concrete suggestions, mention them here or message me and I’ll forward it to the others.
I will if I have concerns in the future, so thanks.
Gotcha. Having an instance-wide policy on it might help. But I am not the admins and am not really informed enough to make suggestions about it.
I admit, I’m a socialist enough to know Lemmygrad is home. But I’ve had to break free of my capitalist programming, and as a cis white hetero male, I say I get it, and I think I get it, and I think I get it better than the average Burger Don and Mel.
If I don’t, correct me and I’ll apologize.
It is certainly difficult to disentangle from capitalist propaganda (a lot of the claims they make are ridiculous in hindsight), and I am happy to hear that you did!
You could block them (pretty sure this stops you from seeing their posts).
Or use keyword filters to hide triggering posts/comments.
How do I do that? :0
Depends if you’re using Lemmy through a browser or app. Browser apparently doesn’t have this feature yet, which I just learned because I only use app for Lemmy, but I found this: https://github.com/Zetaphor/lemmy-keyword-filter/ and if you’re using an app it can be found in settings and is under “Posts/Comments/Filters/Blocks” depending on what app you’re using.
There is an app? I never knew.
We’re both learning new things today. :)
Hmm… As someone into psychology I don’t like people’s use of psychopath and sociopath and narcissist to describe selfish people who commit heinous acts. It pathologizes what we know is a product of capitalist environment, something real people with ASPD and NPD rarely benefit from. It’s a matter of peoplle speaking on things they haven’t investigated. I have similar hangups with the use of “pedophile” to describe CSA perpetrator despite the two groups rather rarely overlapping.
narcissism and NPD aren’t the same and i don’t think most people are armchair clinically diagnosing people when they say the former.
Yeah the way I see it is that, this time, the medical jargon is filling a real hole in the English language. What I mean is: how do you turn “selfish” into a noun? And I don’t mean “selfishness” I mean a noun that describes a person. Are we supposed to be calling people “selfists”? Selfers? Selfians?
You could say “selfish person” but that’s a mouthful and doesn’t sound the same as using a proper word.
All synonyms have the same problem except for the ones that are also jargon.
adjective noun narcissistic narcissist selfish ??? self-centered ??? greedy ??? conceited ??? vain ??? egomaniacal egomaniac egotistical egoist We’ve gotta rename npd then.
Oh yeah I was gonna make a post about this. I hate pop-psychology so so so so SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. There’s nothing I could say that would allow you to FATHOM how much I despise it.
You’re the one who was in fandom spaces and bore witness to proship-anti wars. Pop-psych is absolutely rampant there.
Yeah, people can be prone to overusing specific scientific terminology in incorrect contexts (especially for political terminology).
No living being on this planet is weak or stupid for having a dysergulated nervous system as a result of trauma. Any serious materialist reading your post should understand how trauma responses form and get triggered instead of falling back on protestant brainworms where everything bad is a personal moral failure.
Ableism is a huge issue in society at large and leftist spaces are hardly any better than the average. People should make an effort to accomodate and at least meet you in the middle instead of putting all the pressure on you to pull yourself up by your mental bootstraps and ensure your trauma isn’t too visible and annoying. Especially when the accomodation in question is as simple as being more careful with the choice of words in a written format where you can pause and review before posting.
Don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself and make demands. If you don’t feel comfortable pointing out the specific terminology you have an issue with publicly, you can message me and I will do my best to keep it in mind and avoid it. And if I am among the people who make you uncomfortable, feel free to call me out.
I will call you out if you make me uncomfortable, so thanks :>
There are a bunch of problems here still, like people posting NSFW content without tagging it.
How can I browse here in public if it’s very common to have heavily upvoted posts of some very well known fascist/imperialist with some title that may be sarcastic, but the people around me who could see wouldn’t know.
Those people need some reeducation…
It seems like a lot of people have trouble understanding irony (especially conservatives), but I have trouble understanding jokes because I might have autism. Oh, I also dislike whenever NSFW content is not tagged properly.
I doubt reeducation would help people so intentionally ignorant.
Have you tried broaching the subject directly to the people who use such language? Or do you feel they are perhaps doing it intentionally? Do you worry that if you do tell them it bothers you, that it will itself be stressful?
I have thought of it, but I am not sure if it is really worth it (not sure if I am overreacting, and I am not sure if they would do anything anyways).
I dont think it would hurt, but up to you. People dont know things until they learn them. I might be too optimistic though.
