Stop my parents from meeting.

I’d still be in the womb so… Try and get the umbilical chord to wrap around my neck.

Wait 3 years and tell my mom to get an abortion.

I stop existing

nothing because my parents were barely in elementary school

Jork it to some bushy tri folds then look for a t top to cruise find some of that good cocaine for the road trip to all the nearest van halen, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, etc shows

visit New York and take out some trash before it gets too orange

That depends: am I my current age or the age I was in 1983?

Seeing as I was born on the penultimate day of 1982, I wouldn’t have a lot of choices if it’s the latter 😁

Go to kindergarten, same as always

Buy some shoulder pads and cocaine. Kill Elon Musk.

Invest in CD players.

Expecting that I wake up my current age, sounds like a hell lot of fun to awake before my actual birth in a country that no longer exists with a secret police that’s probably pretty aggressive against a suddenly appearing stranger.

Sterilize one of my parent, whichever, then fade out of reality in peace.

To my existing body?
I guess I would shit myself. It’s gonna be a bit before I can walk and talk and tell everyone of the horrors to come. I won’t really have autonomy until the 2000’s.

In my current body?
I guess I take what little I know of that time period to try to send people to prison for Iran-Contra/prevent the crack epidemic, try to help blunt the HIV epidemic, get renewable energy moved forward, and other pro-social things. I’d give OJ a flat, so SUV’s wouldn’t have gotten popularized. I’d prevent the election of Bush in ‘00, and would give several politicians little nudges here and there. I would of course also become filthy fucking rich by using knowledge of the future (that I was actively changing).

Move far away and do as little as possible for effectively the rest of my life, to prevent some butterfly effect shit from interfering with the birth of my child. Become a fucking hermit in Spain or the Philippines or something.