I was just sitting at the mall taking a break from mall walking. A man walked over to me when I wasn’t even looking up. He said "I haven’t seen you here before. " I said I wasn’t really here to talk to people and got up and walked away. He said he would leave, he may even have said sorry. I said I was ready to leave anyway. In retrospect I think he may have just been slightly mentally challenged so I wish I had been a little softer, he did not turn out to be aggressive. Looking for suggestions on something still clear and firm but more polite? This scared me for some reason, I think how fast he walked up and sat down near me.

Editing to add a key detail, he sat down close to me which is probably what made me more nervous than I would have otherwise been. I appreciate all the thoughtful feedback I’ve gotten and interesting discussion.

  • velma@sh.itjust.works
    0·
    4 days ago

    Can you take a wild guess at answering your own question here?

    Why would women be afraid of men they don’t know as a default?

    • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
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      4 days ago

      Oh I’m well aware the answer. I’m 49 so I’ve learned that my world as a middle aged straight white man is not the lived experience of the vast majority of people.

      We are not reflecting enough on that question.

      But, and it’s a big but, we are also not reflecting on what this is doing to the psyche of men of which the majority are “good”.

      I wouldn’t have enjoyed growing up in a world where the default is to demonize me for being a boy.

      • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
        0·
        4 days ago

        we are also not reflecting on what this is doing to the psyche of men of which the majority are “good”.

        I just expect that women don’t want to talk to me at random because they’ve had bad experiences with strangers in the past. I don’t generally want to talk to random people either because of that and I’m a dude. It doesn’t make me feel bad about myself or demonized because I know there are a whole fucking lot of shitheads in this world and there’s no way to tell who’s who. If anything I’d consider brazenly approaching strangers to be a bit of a red flag. It’s not my fault or the woman who doesn’t want to talk to me.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        0·
        4 days ago

        But, and it’s a big but, we are also not reflecting on what this is doing to the psyche of men of which the majority are “good”.

        It is not women’s responsibility to put aside our fear of rape and murder to make men feel better about themselves. It’s on men to call out other men, protect women in these types of situations, and treat others with kindness so that kindness can be returned.

        We also need to educate our youth what respect and consent mean and that women aren’t objects to be gained or used by men.

        I didn’t enjoy growing up in a world where women are sexualized and raped at such high rates.

        • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
          0·
          4 days ago

          I disagree in that it’s on both parties to listen and what I am experiencing as women gain more and more equality and take over (thank God men have fucked up enough), they’re making the same goddamn problems.

          There is a urgent and growing problem with young men that is going to impact the lives of women and the response cannot be to point fingers and go “buh buh buh men!”.

          Most men will tell you rape is wrong. Most men will tell you overt sexualization is wrong.

          The problem, simply stated, is that we have rightly been nurturing and lifting women to reach a point of equality in the system but we have not been spending that same energy in ensuring our boys and now men are not left feeling under threat and marginalized at the same time. They aren’t but it’s easy to feel that way.

          I think in person we would have a lot in common and I believe we want the same thing. What matters is the approach. The current approach is going to be very dangerous if we continue down the road. The manosphere is simply one concerning symptom as is the rise of nationalism.

          • vairse@lemmy.world
            0·
            4 days ago

            Most men will tell you rape is wrong. Most men will tell you overt sexualization is wrong.

            If there’s one thing discussions around public cases will show is, this only applies when it’s generic. As soon as you change the question to "Is this rape wrong, many men change their tune, and will find any possible reason to call this particular case not actual rape. So no, I don’t think this actually tracks in the real world

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
            0·
            4 days ago

            There is a urgent and growing problem with young men that is going to impact the lives of women and the response cannot be to point fingers and go “buh buh buh men!”.

            How will it impact the lives of women?

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
                0·
                4 days ago

                Oh ok, so if women aren’t nicer to men, they’re going to be raped and trafficked even more?

                Great motivation.

                • ebc@lemmy.ca
                  0·
                  4 days ago

                  Not what anyone here means. But telling little boys that they’re all worthless evil rapists isn’t healthy either. Do not be surprised when they listen to someone who tells them they’re worth something. Do you really want that someone to be Andrew Tate? Because that’ll definitely end up worse for women (and society in general).

                  Antagonizing little boys isn’t the way we get out of this.

                  • velma@sh.itjust.works
                    0·
                    4 days ago

                    But telling little boys that they’re all worthless evil rapists isn’t healthy either.

                    No one is saying that here.

                    Antagonizing little boys isn’t the way we get out of this.

                    How is OP antagonizing little boys by not engaging in small talk with a man she doesn’t know?

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
            0·
            4 days ago

            A new global study conducted by Ipsos in collaboration with the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s College London and International Women’s Day finds that the majority of men agree that that women won’t achieve equality without their support but half believe they are expected to do too much to support women’s equality.

            Is this really the study you wanted to use to prove your point?

            Also that study is 6 years old and misogyny has been on the rise since then. Here’s a more up to date study from the same source as yours:

            The majority of men feel they are already doing too much for equality. Fifty-four per cent of men across 29 countries feel they are doing too much, compared to 38% of women.

            One in two men think the push for equality discriminates against them. On average, 52% of men agree “we have gone so far in promoting women’s equality that we are discriminating against men”. Only 36% of women feel the same.