Dear Lord Jesus, it’s been many years since I prayed. Give me this one thing and we can work something out. Over and out.

Aluminum foil. Rolls of perfectly smooth, impossibly thin METAL. That you can buy for like $3 and use at-will by the sheet. Wtf.

(That was the joke. Another appealing prospect.)

In Maui, unfortunately.

Just wanted to note that I’m the big-box type. So, you know…no refunds, if you’re disappointed.

Think of how the Iraqis felt. Imagine seeing your nation’s leader pulled out of a dirt hole, disheveled and shitting himself, only to be swiftly killed.

Not so funny now, is it!?

I think of myself as an Expansion Pack Male.

It’s cold out there in space.

Maybe the one that’s always on time is just really good at diagnosing.

“Cancer. Get out. Erectile dysfunction. Get out. Missing a leg. Get out.”

Isn’t the whole point that we’re already there? We’ve been there all along.

“At last! After 10,000 years, I’m free! Time to beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past!”

There should be a Muppets version of everything. It improves all source material.

At a Hand Made Homemade Style Authentic Bakery.

The ones you don’t fly over? Also super racist.

“The only downside of your idea is that it is terrible.”

🍑💨 💦

Only once!?

So spill the beans, nutsack.

Unless! 🤞

Oh, I’ll be damned. Didn’t even dawn on me.