They might not even be pervs, maybe they’re autistic and feet are their special interest.

that’s a shame. I’ve edited the text into my comment above.

Huh, you’re right. I checked the OED online (it’s a subscription thing through my library, here’s the link the OED “cite” button gives, let’s see if it’s paywalled: Oxford English Dictionary, “jig (n.1), sense 5,” December 2025, https://doi.org/10.1093/OED/1036112357.)

I thought it was “jig” like the dance, so the metaphorical dance is over

Sure would have been nice to know this when my house got invested with fleas. No need to flea bomb, I just needed to wash my hands!

(got a pup from a household with inadequate flea control measures–they’d give him a flea bath weekly, but never treated the environment or their cats. They swore up and down he didn’t have fleas.)

Also autistic. Seconding that this is hilarious. I’m with the reporter, the prisoner makes prison sound like a good place to be.

I stacked paperback books as a toddler, straight in a line. My dad taught me to do them in a brick pattern for stability.

I sort my candies by color, so I guess I’d get some Skittles then some M&Ms. Are y’all out there eating unsorted candy by the bunch? Unfathomable.

I was thinking a hotel key card for a hotel that’s nowhere nearby.

might one say “one for the cock, one for the lock”?

My last job had those, prepandemic. It was nice.

Current job has an accessible button to open the door that I can hit with my knee.

you have to sneak up on the box

Yep. Good news on that front: libraries I’ve worked at just don’t keep records of what you’ve checked out after you’ve returned it, unless there was some sort of fine or something. Can’t give up data you don’t have and if the library avoids storing the data for anyone then it’s hard to accuse the library of selectively hiding data.