I know this might sound like a strange question, but I’d like to talk about it. I recently joined a lesbian Discord server. After chatting for a while, I shared that I’m married to a man due to cultural and religious reasons. I was married at 16, and it wasn’t really my choice, so I didn’t have any prior experience with men or women. People in the server seemed to expect me to say that I hate my husband or find sex with him disgusting, but I don’t. My primary and only attraction is to women, but I can still enjoy sex with a man on a physical level. My first experience with a woman happened after I was already married, and it was actually facilitated by my husband, who is supportive and helps me connect with women discreetly since I live in a very conservative country. After I shared this, many people in the server reacted negatively and called me a “fake lesbian” or bisexual, which honestly hurt.
Sorry that that happened to you! Unfortunately there are many people in lesbian communities that can be quite judgemental about such things.
And some people just simply haven’t considered the difference between being attracted to and physical enjoyment derived from sex with somebody. Look at asexual people (who generally experience very limited or no sexual attraction) - some of them are having partners and enjoying sex, and it’s incorrect to say that they aren’t ace anymore because of that (although there has been some drama regarding this topic, go figure). Same in your case.
I’d say saying you’re a lesbisn is absolutely fine - you’re the final arbiter of your own identity.