I know this might sound like a strange question, but I’d like to talk about it. I recently joined a lesbian Discord server. After chatting for a while, I shared that I’m married to a man due to cultural and religious reasons. I was married at 16, and it wasn’t really my choice, so I didn’t have any prior experience with men or women. People in the server seemed to expect me to say that I hate my husband or find sex with him disgusting, but I don’t. My primary and only attraction is to women, but I can still enjoy sex with a man on a physical level. My first experience with a woman happened after I was already married, and it was actually facilitated by my husband, who is supportive and helps me connect with women discreetly since I live in a very conservative country. After I shared this, many people in the server reacted negatively and called me a “fake lesbian” or bisexual, which honestly hurt.
I can’t agree with you:
Saying she’s a lesbian because she enjoys sex with a man although not being attracted to the man or men altogether is similar to telling a trans woman she’s a man because she has a penis or an X and Y chromosome or whatever.
I think it’s wrong to use your criteria to determine if someone identified themselves “correctly” or not and we should be more supportive to the labels people feel fitting for themselves.
Your chicken sandwich example obviously is a hyperbole that doesn’t help this discussion. Practically nobody would honestly identify as a chicken sandwich but there’s a valid point in saying “I feel attracted to women and although I can get off by having sex with a man I identify as lesbian” as well as saying “I am a man feeling attracted to women, identifying as heterosexual and still I think a blowjob by a man would get me off”…
if you have sex with people of both sexes, you are bisexual.
it’s really that simple. it’s not hyperbole, you can call yourself whatever you want. but you real world behavior is what you actually are. you can make up whatever elaborate fictions you want in your own head, and argue with people about them, fine.
I have met plenty of people who claimed they were x, but they were not x in the real world. their claim was a fiction in their head they convinced themselves of, and they ignored the evidence of their own real world behaviors.
there are also a million ‘sexualities’ now that all basically mean the same friggin’ thing.
I could call myself straight, or call myself a allosexual graysexual demisexual allromantic automongamous semifictionsexual cisdemigender individual…
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defined experimented. because it’s one thing if it’s making out, it’s another if it was a prolonged sexual relationship.
OP is objectively pursuing sex with both men and women. she’s bi. claiming she is a lesbian while engaging in sex with men and enjoying it is simply just silly. she is not claiming she was forced to have sex with men.
rape has nothing to do with any of this.
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