I’m really sorry everyone…this is all my own damn fault, I’m not denying that in the slightest.

spoiler

I was planning to die today. But I guess I’m not even capable of doing that.
This is all because I’m such an overdramatic, pathetic loser, an excuse for a human being. After an appointment with a new psychiatrist where her first question was “What is your deadname?” and after she told me I “started HRT late”, I just fell into a deeper spiral. Now there’s uncertainty if I’ll even be able to go to Thailand for SRS, which made me full on suicidal upon finding out, so I just kinda…broke.
And there’s the constant regret of not starting sooner, constant self-deprecating and loathing from feeling like I’ll never be a woman. Hating my face and body every single waking second.
I’m just…depressed and not doing well right now. And I’m making it everybody’s problem.

I’m sorry, but I guess I’m sticking around. I’m not dead just yet. I’m making a new account and starting over. But…at least, maybe you’ll believe me now that I’m not actually a good person?
I’m really sorry. I’m actually the worst. I know that.

Maybe I should have died. Maybe. But…instead I guess I’ll bother you all some more, again, from zero.
I’m sorry for being such an unimaginable fuckup…

Sincerely,
a very depressed trans girl,
Miisha

    • Eq0@literature.cafeEnglish
      0·
      1 month ago

      None of what you wrote makes you not a good person. You are struggling and you need help, but that has nothing to do with a moral judgement. I hope we can provide you with a little support with our words.

      Another hug 🫂

      • Miisha@lemmy.blahaj.zonedeleted by creatorEnglish
        0·
        1 month ago

        Thank you. I really am struggling…but I think it’ll get better. Thank you so much 🩷

        • Eq0@literature.cafeEnglish
          0·
          1 month ago

          It will! There will be rough days, but hopefully the worst is behind. There will still be battles but you will win the war. You are amazing and you rock 🎸 even when you don’t feel like it, even when you are low, you still shine