- tried to stay positive, then misfortune strikes
- tried making friends, ended up ghosted
- tried looking for better job, then scammed
- tried save money, inflation happens
- tried sell product online, fees and tax cut, also less buyers.
- tried theraphy, the solution only dont think about it, its okay (if only it was that easy)
- tried being nice, taken advantage of
- tried being honest, get hatred
- tried religion, yet god let million of nice person suffers
- tried sleep, need regular medication
- tried work hard, ended up surgery and years of rehabilitation
at this point, i am so tired with whatever i do, it always doesnt work.
right now i can relate why some people choose to become evil person, because being good and nice person in this world is just not as rewarding as bad people does. even those people who ghosted and bullied me ended up becoming rich and succesful, and here i am struggle everyday. life is really unfair world.
Honest answer you don’t wanna hear?
If you’re good to reap a benefit, you’re not good. You just tried maximizing your own profit by this and failed.
Being “good and nice” is an ethical decision and will not inherently reward you. Being evil is easy, as it’s our native state of existence. Egoisim, egocentrism, anthropocentrism. A cold heart can’t take any harm.
Being evil makes life in an evil world (capitalism, humanity itself) much easier. Yes. But also you’re part of the problem, not the solution. Even though noone gives a shit what you insect (no insult, just emphasizing our insignificance) do.
You will never be rewarded for doing the right or good thing. Or extremely rarely. Mostly you’ll be ridiculed, scammed, made fun of, exploited and whatever else.
Personally, I don’t give a fuck. I am what I am, if anyone wants to exploit me, it’s their loss. Looking for equals is hard, but very rewarding.
Lemme quote a game (lol…):
“What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”
Being evil is not the natural state of existence.
If that were the case, humanity would have never come this far.
Oh right, altruism and being nice-to-each-other is so intrinsic, hence we all get along so greatly and the world is a peaceful place to enjoy. You might be, my friend, but the majority of people obviously only cares for themselves and - to some extent as it benefits them - for others, if capabilities are left. Most even need religion to be told what is good and bad, those are the worst. Homo homini lupus est…
Wish you were right though, but that’d just be optimistic projection.
I think what the other guy is referring to is we wouldn’t have survived without us having some sort of tribiliasm. Which means you have to be somewhat (good) to one another.
To be kind is to hope for and work toward a better world. When you are kind you do not naturally receive some “reward”, but rather give a “reward” to those you provide kindness to. The catch is that your kindness will affect a great many more than you will ever know or hear about. It is multiplied. You, every single day, benefit from the kindness of others whether you are aware of it or not. Kindness is not transactional. You give comfort and ease to those around you. The closest it gets to a transaction is that you may hope that by being kind you plant a seed in others that will grow into kindness of their own, which may in time find its way back to you.
Metaphorically, imagine a communal food pantry, where the food actually represents some abstract stockpile of kindness and goodwill in the world.
To be neutral is to bring a foodstuff you are less fond of, and take a foodstuff you are more fond of.
To be kind is to bring plentiful foodstuffs for others to enjoy, and take only what you need.
To be unkind is to take when you do not need it.
I know people have already hit you with the “kindness is its own reward” but it truly is. When I consider the profound impact on my own life because of the kindness of others, I am given the drive to try and provide that for others. What a joy it is to know that I may have helped someone get through their day just a little bit easier.
We cannot control the evils of others, but we can control the kindness of ourselves, and kindness can ease the pains caused by the evils of others.
Because it’s constructive, simply put an explicit and constant effort. Your work is being cooped by other people, but it’s your work nonetheless. Evolve to find better ways to protecting it if you can - is the general notion. Your mileage may vary.
i am not really understand that, can you give some example of it?
You’re not a quitter, just hang in there. That’s what it boils down to.
For staying positive, staying positive won’t prevent disaster, but it can help you move past it. For saving money, ideally invest it, either get a high yield savings account at >3% interest which (roughly) beats inflation. Or try an index fund if you can save that money for long term.
yeah i just hate it when disaster happened on innocent people and i do invest yet inflation is just too high. life is just that bad.
We live in a world ruled by billionaire pedophiles, so the system rewards behavior similar to that.
On the other side of that - do not worry about being a “nice” person when that means your own well-being is being taken away. Be kind to yourself first (how you can, I know it’s not easy), then try to be around people who have similar ideals.
Society at large can be soul crushing. Life is hard and not fair. I don’t have an answer for you beyond what I wrote but I hope you can find some rest and a small relief in your near future.
thanks, lot of stuff happened to me, so its actually really hard to stay being nice person and i just hope that its better in the future.
Most of these posts assume that the goal for being nice and good is FOR the rewards. Like, “I donate to my homeless shelter all the time, and do I get any thanks? The HELL with them!” That is where it usually fails. The real trick is being strong enough to stay nice DESPITE the lack or rewards, or even inconvenience. You are nice and good because it’s a core of who you are, not just for flattery and incentives.
Yeah, getting to be nice and spreading smiles and just happiness around is all anyone can hope for.
You win some and lose some. Careerwise or monetarily it’s tougher but not inherently. Just capitalism. And I’d rather lose there and win in warmness and having nice and amazing people around
I’m nice because it makes me feel good. That’s the only reward I need.
Same. But another thing I add when I don’t feel like being nice is “be nice out of spite.” Spite is against a universe trying to make me mean and bitter. “Oh the Universe is cold and uncaring,” yeah well, fuck the universe, then. I’m not doing for the universe, I am doing it for me.
“What you’re talking about is the theory of Moral Desert Elenor, that we do good things for the rewards.”
“The real question is what do we owe to each other“
“The drinks are on me. Good luck.”Right, you shouldn’t expect to be rewarded for it.
I expected also more negative things or at least people taking it for granted but to my surprise I got very positive reactions from a few basic kind acts.
When I hear people told my GF I’m always there for them and one of the few people they can count on that means a lot.
Do no harm and take no shit.
Try to consider being kind as its own reward, rather than something you do to gain another result
i cannot understand being kind as its own reward, even people that donates and helps people in the street do monetize their content to get rewarded in form of attention and money which is another result
Most people helping in the street are not monetizing it as content. Only the ones you see on YouTube
I was going to say this same thing exactly.
The benefit of being nice is living in a nice place with nice people, not winning some zero sum game of immediate gratification
Pretty much all of the examples you provided happen to shitty people too, probably at a hiring rate in many cases. The benefit of being a good person on those situations is that at least you can take pride in not being a turd. Take your list, and reverse the logic for each input and see if that would make you feel better.
- Maintained a crappy attitude, then misfortune strikes.
- Spent all of my money, inflation happens.
- Was a jerk, taken advantage of.
- Was a liar, get hatred.
Just a handful of examples.
that examples is what supposed to be happened and totally deserved, what is not fair it also happened to nice person and what is the point of pride if it is not rewarding at all?
If you’re being honest and nice to be rewarded, then you’re doing it wrong. You do it because it’s the right thing to do.
so basically if you are guaranteed to get lucky and rich, basically having easy mode by become evil, you still choose to become nice and honest person?
Bad shit will happen. Shit happens to everyone. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person. But if you’re trying to do good and be good, that can be a comfort in trying times, because how you feel inside is what matters when it comes to who you are.
Do you want to be a good person? What does that mean to you; how do you expect a good person to behave? How do you feel when you act against those expectations?
When shit happens you can feel bad because shit happened AND feel bad because you were rude about it… or you can feel bad because shit happened but ALSO feel good because at least you tried to be kind and understanding and didn’t yell at anyone or make someone else feel bad.
I’d rather feel bad (about things) and good (about myself) than bad (about things) and bad (about myself). That is the reward: at least you tried.
tbh what i want is become rich, succesful, lucky, have many friends, healthy, and have no problems in life, literally living in easy mode and so far being nice for me doesnt give me those thing i want.
Being nice is an act of rebellion in a cold, uncaring world. If it is your nature to try to do good, don’t let other people not being there yet stop you being yourself.
unfortunately there is limit for it, i am already at the point i am so tired of being nice.
Many of us feel that way sometimes, I have even recently felt that way after a couple of extremely rough years relating to a couple of friends who have needed a lot of support of various kinds (please forgive me, I would much rather not be specific with any of this, not my stories to tell and not the place to tell them).
Then another situation calls for it (I had a big one just today, possibly even the biggest ever one off example, for the sake of an ex no less- although I was furious until I spoke to them about it all, in truth) and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
The reward; although I feel a little dirty calling it a reward; is that when someone needed help they actually got it instead of just getting fucked over for the nth time. I don’t care if my impact is limited or even meaningless, ultimately so am I, and it wasn’t to me.
If you don’t feel like that, that’s okay, you took the step to try anyway and I genuinely respect that. You don’t have to give all of yourself, take a step back and look after yourself when you need it, but the world could always do to be a softer place when you feel ready again!
yeah i dont feel that unfortunately, i feel that is wasted time and energy tbh. i doubt world is softer place, in fact i feel it getting harder.
Honestly, it sounds like you might be depressed, but if so I get that too. For the people you helped it got softer, it doesn’t have to directly relate to ourselves to be better.
i am indeed depressed, i even need medication to deal with it.
That’s fair, then if these things are negatively impacting you, which it sounds like they are, there is definitely no shame in stepping back or finding other ways to engage, or whatever works best for you.
I really never liked the idea of medication (for myself I mean, different people need different things), the idea of a medical intervention to a rational response to external realities just feels like burying my head in the sand. The three times I have seriously tried them despite this only reaffirmed it to me, they never actually solved anything, they just numbed me into only passively caring.
Instead I sort of drag myself through, getting by on the occasional chances I get to let someone not have to worry about those external realities that chafe against me so badly for once.
I hope that is expressed clearly enough for you to make some more sense of my perspective on all of this.
Happy to talk further if you would like to, but I would prefer via message rather than openly if I am/we are going to go into any real detail about anything.
Being a genuine good human doesn’t make life easier, but it gives you peace of mind, because it’s the right thing to do.
And if people feel, that you mean it genuinely, they are much more likely to help you back.
i still doubt that “they are much more likely to help you back” when i done plenty of right thing yet either much more likely betrayed or taken advantage of.
Being nice doesn’t mean being naive and letting people taking advantage of you. Some people simply don’t have good intentions, leaning to identify those patterns is a skill you can train.
Have you tried to just sit in silence? That’s rewarding as hell.
Capitalism
Modern people in my experience work under the idea of “everyone’s dirty so it’s fine if I’m doing amoral acts”, if you’re doing the opposite you are showing them that there’s a way, integrity, goodness or whatever you wish to call it. They will hate you for it, but that’s not a fault of your own, it’s just their psyche trying to defend themself, not quite extensional threat but to their eyes it’s an eye sore.
Being nice isn’t about getting stuff for yourself
