Hi all I need a sanity check.
Diagnosed ADD as a kid, struggled to pay attention and care in school, was on concerta for a decade. Parents would up my dose if my grades went down and expected me to grow out of ADD once I turned 18.
That didn’t happen and my life fell apart and I vowed to never take medication again because I saw it as a conspiracy to sell pills and get people messed up in the head.
After 15 years of emotional dysregulation and crippling anxiety I spoke to a dr and tried an extended release amphetamine yesterday.
My whole world changed. No emotional noise, no background feeling of “I’m a bad person and I don’t know why”, social anxiety is gone (was able to respond to all my messages and even make a phone call AND talk to a cashier!!!). Was able to do tasks I left behind because the anxiety to start was too bad.
I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to now. My self confidence is up. I don’t dread things. I woke up calm. My mind used to be a firehose of thoughts and emotions all at max level. Now it’s calm and orderly and logical.
This seems too good to be true. I didn’t even know existence could be like this. Is this normal? Is it the honeymoon phase? Is it just because I’m taking an amphetamine? I’m beside myself and life feels like I’ve got all the cheat codes now. It seems too good to be true.
Sounds like me when I first started depression meds I’m my 30s after a lifetime of undiagnosed misery. My first thought when they started kicking in was “Holy shit, is this what it’s like for everyone else?” It’ll settle down, you’ll be fine.
Crazy. I’m happy you got the relief you deserve. Ya exact same thought. Disbelief really. Like things are so radically different that I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that people feel more like this than how I felt before.
I can relate to that feeling but for me stimulants wasn’t the answer, I just turned into a shaking clucker, even on the lowest dose. Autism and OCD likely makes it worse. It was finding the right balance of high CBD and medium THC that worked for me, then once as op rather well put it, slowed down the firehose. Allowing for a healthy diet and healthier choices, mediation and exercise. Improving my wellbeing overall
For me I’m the opposite. I started years ago with high CBD low THC cannabis which was pretty great compared to baseline nothing but it never did anything for my anxiety. I also am pretty low on the OCD spectrum and I don’t think I have autism. Happy that things are working out for you in a similar manner :) do you vaporize, smoke, edible, tincture, or use concentrates? I’m a big fan of cannabis haha
It did take me a good 3years to find the balance (tried all the pills, anti depressants, stims etc) and the help of a medical specialist who allowed you choice over what and what might not work. The first company, made all those choices for you, I got stuck with them for a year before changing to a new company.
I felt the same on low THC, I mean a real dose (medium for me) of THC 15-20% not 0.1 or what they sometimes have with CBD products.
If your vaping flower, I stick to 20-25% THC. Avoiding pure sativa, that just made by OCD and anxiety rocket
I vape and use oil but prescribed as the unprescribed oil didn’t have the right amount of THC to CBD balance to help
It’s more effective I found when all combined with a reasonably healthy diet and working out
It improved my sleep quality a lot which made other things less difficult to manage. I was never getting that rested feeling
This seems too good to be true. I didn’t even know existence could be like this. Is this normal? Is it the honeymoon phase? Is it just because I’m taking an amphetamine? I’m beside myself and life feels like I’ve got all the cheat codes now. It seems too good to be true.
Kinda depends honestly. As I’m sure you know, these meds aren’t something that perform consistently across different people, but your experience isn’t uncommon.
For me personally, I had a fairly calm feeling start, and it took me till the end of the day to realize that I had barely touched social media, gotten 3X the normal amount of work done, and also had near zero anxiety.
A few weeks in, and it was more of a subtle effect, after slightly bumping up my dose after experimenting with it a bit to get some better results. I’m not sure if it was placebo, or just my body adjusting, but overall things are still way better. When I’m on my meds, I don’t overthink things anymore, my anxiety is lessened (though not gone like it originally was), and I find it easier, but not guaranteed, to switch from social media to more productive tasks, and to stay focused on those tasks.
Personally, based on what I’ve seen and heard, and what my psychiatrist has told me, I’d say you’ll probably have an experience like this:
- Kaboom, everything is amazing, life is perfect (lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks)
- Doesn’t hit as strongly as it did the first time, but still works okay
- Not working as well, requires bumping up the dose (dose increases are incredibly common for the majority of people on ADHD meds, all part of the process, don’t sweat it!)
- Taking your meds helps you consistently stay focused the majority of the time, and you’ll probably find most anxiety you experience will only be anxiety over something truly worthy of it, like an imminent deadline, rather than just anything under the sun.
If you want to help keep your meds effective, or just generally wanna try to make things easier for yourself, you can try supplementing a little caffeine in and seeing if it helps give you a boost (be warned this can cause headaches or anxiety spikes too, so start with a small amount of caffeine and go from there. I find it causes headaches and anxiety for me, but drastically increases my ability to hyperfocus on things, ideally something worth my time)
Or if you have extended release and instant release meds, you can try taking a small amount of instant release and your extended release at the same time to give you a boost, so you can start being productive on something, and then the extended meds will just help you continue well throughout the day after you’re already on track doing whatever it is you need to do.
I’d say that “too good to be true” feeling is true to the extent you probably will never reach the exact same high as when your brain wasn’t used to it yet at all, but overall, the meds will help a lot, even if it’s not “every day is world changingly good”, and that’s perfectly fine :)
I appreciate the well put together description! I don’t mind and actually prefer if it hits a bit less strongly over the next few weeks. Yesterday was lots of heart racing, nausea, and digestive issues haha. I definitely felt high in some sense. If I can keep away the overthinking anxiety and the emotional sensitivity then I’m happy. Caffeine usually causes me anxiety so I’ll hold off until I start finding the meds less effective.
It’s really encouraging to see that this will be the new normal and I can’t wait until it calms down because I’m experiencing emotions and feelings I never felt and it’s a bit overwhelming. I feel like I need to relearn how to communicate and move and pick things up and work and be a human lol.
I don’t mind and actually prefer if it hits a bit less strongly over the next few weeks. Yesterday was lots of heart racing, nausea, and digestive issues haha.
Okay yeah, that’ll probably work out just fine for you then!
Caffeine usually causes me anxiety so I’ll hold off until I start finding the meds less effective.
To be clear, caffeine isn’t something most psychiatrists would recommend, and it’s most effective to just have an increased overall dosage, especially given caffeine is more likely to cause anxiety. I personally just find that it sometimes affects different things.
So for example, if I’m on my meds, AND I take caffeine, I might find myself more focused than usual, but if I’m not careful it could lead to me getting focused on something totally random or unproductive, so I have to choose if I want that added risk of accidentally blowing an hour or two on something totally unrelated to what I sat down to do.
I consider caffeine less of a “making your meds effects stronger” kinda thing, and more of an “altering how your brain responds to your meds in some ways” kind of thing. Depending on the person and their needs, adding caffeine could have wildly different results. Best to focus on meds dosage first imo.
I can’t wait until it calms down because I’m experiencing emotions and feelings I never felt and it’s a bit overwhelming. I feel like I need to relearn how to communicate and move and pick things up and work and be a human lol.
Gosh that’s so true. When you live your life trying to accounting for how your brain works on its own, and suddenly you’ve got meds that totally change how your brain is able to operate, you gotta re-train your brain a bit. All part of the process though :)
Echoing the life-changing experience everyone else has shared.
But what I don’t see mentioned (or I just missed it) is don’t squander this time! You need to use this clarity to start to build routines and structure in your life, because if/when the meds fade, be it because you need a holiday, or other medical conditions necessitate stopping, or your insurance stops covering your meds, or…, those routines are structures are going to be incredibly important.
Think of it this way: the meds are a high-end power tool that finally makes doing the work of living possible, but the scaffolding you build now is what keeps the structure standing when the power goes out. The medication gives you the capacity to act, but your systems are what ensure that action isn’t lost if you have to put the tool down.
Very solid advice. My routines are already changing - it keeps me up past midnight if I take it past 9am so a standardized wake up time is already something new. And because I have to be up around 8, my bedtime is also being standardized. I can’t go to bed at 2 or 3 anymore because everything will be thrown off. I’ll take what you said about this though because it’s great advice I hadn’t fully considered
This is how i feel on that type. My main issue with it is it stifles my creativity. I am lucid, but dull. Kinda of a showstopper for my work, so I save it for high anxiety and/or extra scatterbrained days. Glad it’s working out for you.
I can see how it stifles creativity. I found it weird and harder to make jokes I usually make. But then again everything feels weird and different. Like I have to relearn how to be haha. Do you get any withdrawal when not taking it? The pharmacist said I could take it just on weekdays but online I’m reading that not taking it will cause withdrawal symptoms. Just curious of your experience.
Stimulant medication is the FIRST line of treatment for psychiatrists treating ADHD.
My mind’s blown at how microdosing an amphetamine calms my mind down so fundamentally. Reality isn’t even recongizeable to me anymore.
I went through the test for ADHD. In reality, I check all of the boxes and can related to this forum through and through. The therapist that assessed the results said no and attributed everything to THC and alcohol consumption. It completely discounts the first 30 years of my life, but okay. It cost me about $700 for that info and my official WAIS IQ.
I would love to seek a second opinion, but that’s so much money. I’m thinking of testing the black market but for now I just cope. I envy you and wish you the best.
Fuck I hate doctors like that. I had a doctor some years ago that attributed my anxiety problems to THC as well. Even though I was diagnosed at 11 and only ever tried cannabis at 19. It hurts to read that that whole experience cost you money. $700 is a big chunk. I am hoping you can find another doctor and not have to pay for this sort of testing so that you can see if these medications help you like they have for me.
I just had a try for Adderall, certainly felt life changing and I’m considering getting a diagnosis. While for my BF, has been 10x as life changing and from my POV it looks like most of his mental struggles stem from untreated ADHD
I’m happy that you felt such a change and happy for your bf too. I honestly thought ADHD was just one piece to my puzzle but quite literally everything I’ve been suffering from appears to stem from untreated ADHD like your BF. I wasn’t even expecting anything to happen for my anxiety. Didn’t even consider it. But it’s the biggest change I’ve noticed in the 1.5 days I’ve been on meds now. It’s so wild how brains work.
Absolutely normal. One thing to be wary of is that over time you will adjust to the new normal, and it may not feel euphoric any more. Don’t immediately assume that just because things don’t feel amazing anymore it means it isn’t working. Also, don’t assume that it is working if you don’t feel it anymore. Yes, that’s conflicting advice.
Welcome to the catch-22. If I have a lapse in my meds, the first few days back on I usually feel euphoric and have issues sleeping. Then it usually evens back out to my medicated “normal” on the third or fourth day. Over time you’ll get a sense for “my meds are working” and “no they aren’t”. I’ve had to adjust my dosage up and down over the last 15 years to get things just right.
Also, if you do lapse your meds after being on them for a while, you may legitimately have a withdrawal. Yeah, there’s all the negative stigma around that word and illicit substances, but it also applies to some doctor prescribed stuff too. About 3 or 4 days without I get extra cranky, extra unfocused, and usually get a nasty headache. Then it balances out to my “unmedicated normal”.
on withdrawal, it’s always worth pointing out that the exact same is true of caffeine, and yet caffeine withdrawal is just relatable.
So frankly the idea of social stigma around withdrawal can suck it, society gets to wring its hands about addiction when people stop saying “haha i’m so quirky i need coffee to exist”Appreciate this! I don’t mind if the euphoria goes away. The ability to stay emotionally regulated is the main thing. If things just become normal and I’m staying emotionally regulated, then that’s a perfect scenario for me. I’m just blown away at being able to handle tasks without the emotional whirlwind and panic attacks :) it’s so magic.
Yea… Meth will make you feel like a chicken without a head.
Was it your primary care doctor? Just curious.
Ya my primary care doctor.
Nice. I’m considering asking mine, I use to have a prescription. Six years ago. But it wasn’t from a primary care doctor.
I highly recommend! I had a prescription in 2004 and in another country. That plus detailed explanations of what I go through was enough for my primary care physician to write me a prescription for a low dose. I fully expected to have to go through testing and therapy first so it was a very welcome surprise. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be similar for you. At least that’s what I hope for ya.
Yep. There will be dosage adjustments later as you develop a tolerance, but it’s life changing.
One of the things you should be prepared for is grief; being able to function properly on medication made me look back and think what my life could have been like if I had been diagnosed and treated sooner. I had to grieve for the life I missed out on because I didn’t understand how to help my brain function until my 30s.
I am not only overpreparing for grief, but also extremely hesitant to start any medication because I live in a volatile part of the world and don’t know if I can be comfortable depending on medicine that can’t always be found. I’m also scared about things like traveling with medication, or losing professional credibility/legal rights, since it’s still somewhat stigmatized.
I’ve grieved following much smaller improvements to my life.
In 2020 the entire country ran out and people started rationing and sharing their medication. So there’s precedent for people figuring things out.
You will function without meda as you are functioning now without meds. It may feel like a bigger hurdle when you know things can be easier, but as long as you keep up your strategies for functioning you will not lose anything. You’ll only gain better days - even if they are not every day.
Plus grief is a lot easier to deal with when you have better emotional regulation, like with meds.
I agree; it’s even easier than before to live a few months without meds, because there are no stacked up chores and missed deadlines when you start. I work systematically with lists, and one important list is for things that would improve things “permanently”, such as getting and installing a dishwasher, improve finances, delegate and so on.
It is my understanding that part of the effect, especially the medically desired effect, does not build (much) of a tolerance. The part that feels like a recreational drug does, but it’ll still regulate noradrenaline in the prefrontal cortex all the same with the starting dose.
These are hard to exactly tell apart, though; it’s a blurry line.
I’m just a tall guy who weighs 200+ lbs. I started at 5mg and built up from there. I guess it wasn’t tolerance so much as adjusting to the dose?
I had a similar experience with Lisdexamphetamine: Started at a ridiculously low dose to make sure I can take it, which surprisingly already had a significant effect for a few hours! Then I worked up to the normal dose over the span 9 - 12 months.
Especially during that time, it felt “too good to be legal”, like you can constantly be on a fantastic recreational drug AND get shit done!
My view of separating “desired medical benefit” and “recreational drug euphoria” is certainly very simplified, and the “recreational” effect also boosts productivity. And it is hard to tell which is which. Maybe I have not even found the perfect medication for myself yet, but it sure is life-changing already.
Ya I’m on the same medication. It feels illegal. It almost feels recreational. I only have ever had psilocybin mushrooms and cannabis before but I’d describe the pill as having a similar head sensation to an edible but more tight and clean if that makes any sense. If cannabis is a fuzzy headband, this pill is like a swim cap.
Fantastic - just like me, then. I used 5 mg to check for intolerance, then stayed around 10 - 15 mg for quite a while.
Initially, the “high” effect was dominant, so it was super easy to get on tasks and finish them, but I still did it in a “silly” or “demented” way, for lack of a better word. As I built tolerance and increased the dose, it started to fix that as well, but the “high” became less and less.
1 1/2 years in now experimenting between 50 mg and 70 mg, it is still fantastic. But I might start experimenting with alternatives. Who knows if the first drug tried is really the best for me?
That’s neat! I get what you mean haha. The first couple hours once it kicks in I do feel high haha. Still on focus though.
The grief is honestly one of my biggest fears with starting medication. I don’t want to face that my life could have been so much better.
Of course that’s not a good reason to not seek help logically, but damn if those built in guilt trips and shame aren’t incredibly strong.
I had a similar fear after trying all the different meds to only feel worse. So I feared wasting years, going on a rollercoaster only to feel worse. But I thought fuck it let’s try it one more time and that worked
I feel ya on that. I’m telling myself that while I could have had many years of better functionality, I still lived life and had good experiences and lived. Now I’m ultra living and all of that time non medicated needed to happen to finally bring me here. It’s just day 3 for me so super early but the grief is like “mehhh”.
It could also be that I’m super emotionally regulated now so the pain of grief is like a flick instead of a kick in the gut :)
Don’t feel grief for this time a year from now.
Don’t let it hold you back, it’s worth it. Grief is a part of growth.
It does no good to look at what could have been. I was diagnosed well into adulthood and I could very easily spiral on the what ifs. Every previous possible me would not be the same me that I currently am so I only concern myself with what I do, not what some other person would do
The best time to plant a tree is 30 year ago, the second best time is right now.
I did it, I was at peace with the grief after maybe a week. Or at least it wasn’t my biggest problem any more.
Yeah I’m in the process of finding a psychiatrist now. It’s just been difficult fighting my own built-in reluctance.
Thanks :)
My issue was more “getting help with ADHD requires you to fight the effects of ADHD to get appointments and referrals”
In the UK it was impossible. In the Netherlands, the system is more caring.
Ya I heard that it’s possible that one may go through a grief stage. I haven’t felt it yet thankfully. I think about all the missed potential but in the end, I lived my life on hard difficulty, still made friends and memories and did cool experiences. I’m trying to frame it as “sure on paper you may have lost a decade and a half, but it took that time to come here and now the world is an oyster and you’re hungry af”.
I appreciate the advice from you 😊 it’s all relative since bodies are all different but approximately how long did it take for ya to require a dosage increase? I’m on day 2 and I’m all clammy and gross feeling due to the side effects haha. I can’t imagine taking a larger dose anytime soon
I slowly built up over a couple years, then when I quit drinking I was able to reduce down to just over half my top dose.
Neat! Thanks for sharing
You’re not crazy. This was my experience as well. I was able to access mental abilities I always suspected I had, but couldn’t leverage or identify before. Sadly, this level of epiphany doesn’t happen for everyone. Feel free to hit me up if you ever want to talk through anything!
Wow this is awesome. I’m so happy that this is possible for people. I feel excited to find out things I didn’t even think I could do.
yeppp, i was late-dx and when i first got put on rits about 90% of my anxiety dissolved and i was walking around like “holy shit…is this what normal people feel like?? they just get this shit for free?!”
it was just mind-blowing to me that i could finally follow a train of thought and not be constantly overwhelmed by brain noise and other people just… didn’t have that going on at all
The biggest thing for me was honestly just walking past a piece of trash or something that fell on the floor and just… Picking it up. Nothing groundbreaking or momentous. A simple action. An action that everyone else seems to do with no issues. There was no internal debate or fight with myself to pick it up. Just “oh, lemme grab that as I’m walking past.”
I was convinced I had an anxiety disorder on top of it all. Turns out it’s all just from ADHD. Your description matches mine to the tee. Did the dissolved anxiety stay that way? Did it creep back?
Similar case here. Been on slow-release meds for a few years now and the anxiety has not come back.
That’s amazing! Happy for ya
i haven’t been able to have consistent access to meds in the last couple years unfortunately so i can’t speak much to how things shake out with long term usage, i do remember some anxiety did come back a bit while i still had regular access (i do have ptsd as well so maybe not so unexpected) but for me it was still nowhere near the level of unmedicated. for some people i know that have been on it a lot longer than me they say it takes the edge off just enough, then other people i know say it actually made their anxiety worse so there seems a bit of variety in experience with it!
Thank you :) I’m sorry you haven’t had proper access. Hoping things change for you. I’ve also got PTSD so I’m curious to see how things go. Happy to see that even when anxiety comes, it’s nowhere near unmedicated. I used to be in bed for 2-6 hours completely losing all my time to panic attacks, weird half dreams, personality changes, and other nastiness.
thank you, i sadly relate very much to what you describe and i hope you have a lot more peace in your brain & life going forward! it’s hard being in the rough seas but i know those calmer waters are there, and now so do you :)
Thanks for sharing! That actually sounds really great.
I’m in my 40s and didn’t even realize that I had ADHD until a few years ago. Between my inhibitions and difficulty starting the conversation, I’ve been unable to get myself medicated.
I made a list of the struggles with everyday things I have and then at my drs appointment I told them and then he wrote a prescription. I’m hoping you can experience what I’m feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so calm and balanced and able. You deserve that.
I know how stupid it sounds, but it’s actually kind of scary to think about my brain not working like it has for the past 40 some years. I know that it’s broken, but I’ve spent so long altering my life to the brokenness, that fixing it makes me nervous.
That’s not stupid at all I felt the exact same way. I was afraid I’d be another person or that I’d lose some key personality traits (like being funny). I take a lot of my humour from pain I experience and make it absurd but my wife says I’m still funny 🤷
Feeling nervous about starting it was the main thing holding me back with my ADHD. And it’s totally valid. But the brain doesn’t know what it can’t imagine. It genuinely feels like I got plopped into a functioning body (albeit a bit clammy and nauseous because I just started meds).
In all honesty starting meds is probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve never experienced relief/euphoria/freedom from everything holding me back. I want you and anyone else on the fence about medicating it to know that it’s fucking magical when paired with the right meds. I’m at a loss for words really. Even if I was permanently clammy and sweaty and gross it beats the way I’ve been living own thousand-fold. It’s so effective I had to make a post and see if it’s normal.
I’m hoping you will be able to get what you need. You deserve it
Thanks for the support. I’m already sweaty, so I guess I’ve got nothing to lose!
Haha ya anxiety made me go through shirts FAST. God speed, sweaty one 😎
It’s worth it. And it’s the disease that is convincing you that not treating the disease is the only acceptable path.
This may be one of the few places where people will understand what it’s like to know that all of those things are true, yet STILL be unable to take the actions required to do anything about it.
I put all of this off because it felt impossible. I had all these ideas of how hard it would be. All I did was tell the doctor my daily anxieties and struggles with tasks and then they wrote a prescription. I couldn’t believe it was that effortless.
