Thanks Obama.

My grandma is addicted to porn on her phone she just constantly goons.

You walk into her room at the nursing house and her fingers are wrinkly like she just got out of the bath and it smells like day old tuna salad.

He likes mirrors a lot too.

I’d let the boebs do that to me she’s a gilf.

If god is Jewish what did he use to circumcise himself?

I only shop Amazon and Walmart I hate small businesses Nazis bro.

Wait why would I jack a coat if I already have a condom on?

Yes.

Being or speaking French is the worse.

What’s wrong with drinking and ordering the fbi plane to fly you and twenty best friends on a world wide bender?

School is socialization for kids.

Homeschooling doesn’t give you that.

She’s beautiful.

She smells like sauerkraut, has a thin coating of cat hair and hums Carolyn Willis songs.

Yeah bro has standards.

Trump’s strength is that he dominates the headlines letting all the other assholes usher in fascism.

“As President, Zaphod’s role was designed to be a figurehead that wielded no real power, despite appearing to be in charge. His primary responsibility was to be flashy, controversial, and outrageous, thereby focusing public attention on himself rather than the unseen forces actually running the universe.”

• Douglas Adams

Jack what?

Semen isn’t gravity fed so I don’t think the lack of it would make a difference.

That’s when you eat your cum so you don’t have to clean up right?

People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.

The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.

The landfill near me does this which is handy.

I’m confused about the glasses.