I know this might sound like a strange question, but I’d like to talk about it. I recently joined a lesbian Discord server. After chatting for a while, I shared that I’m married to a man due to cultural and religious reasons. I was married at 16, and it wasn’t really my choice, so I didn’t have any prior experience with men or women. People in the server seemed to expect me to say that I hate my husband or find sex with him disgusting, but I don’t. My primary and only attraction is to women, but I can still enjoy sex with a man on a physical level. My first experience with a woman happened after I was already married, and it was actually facilitated by my husband, who is supportive and helps me connect with women discreetly since I live in a very conservative country. After I shared this, many people in the server reacted negatively and called me a “fake lesbian” or bisexual, which honestly hurt.
This is a perfect example of why any labeling, whether it be for sexual preference, political, religious, or whatever, will always have gray areas of misunderstanding. It’s necessary sometimes to make it easier to convey meaning, but it also can be very vague and inaccurate. And as the comments show, people have different interpretations of the same label, so the point of a label is a bit lost.
I think it’s even more problematic here because we’re talking about two (or more) different things. There is preference, and then there is actual activity. And there is also the fact that people change over time, so you might not have been one thing before but are more in that area now due to interest and/or desire.
I’m not a fan of labeling. I like the discussion of ideas, and the breakdown of your interests is much more clarifying than if you had called yourself one thing or another, or even if you had said you’re lesbian, but with some bisexual tendencies.
What is disappointing is that a group of people who are part of a minority that gets shunned and resistance from society still would turn on someone just because they don’t fit perfectly in their own vision of what a lesbian is. They should know better and accept anyone who has any degree of qualification, even something as simple as a woman who has never been with a woman but is having some feelings. Why do persecuted minority groups do this?