This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
One time I was in line to piss before watching a Mastodon concert, and I really had to piss, and I stood in line with like 50 dudes waiting for ye olde washroom, and there was like two urinals and a stall. Well fuck me the stall was taken, so not wanting to be a rude dick to every other dude in line I tried to use the urinal. So I whipped out mah johnson, and it was pretty much like the comic, got pee shy, held it for like 30 I don’t know 45 seconds or something. Nothing. I’m like looking over my shoulder at this massive line of of dudes behind me. Fuck. So I just pretended to shake it, shoved it back into my pants and was miserable having to piss the whole Mastodon set.
I fucking hate having to piss in public around people. It’s so terrible.
That’s a real group of bros
More like a group of betas!
My pee smells like shit, and my shit sounds like pee.
Which of the male influencers you follow taught you this?
Created an account just for this comment huh?
Probably evading a ban
Douchebag.
No one is more beta than the guy calling others a beta.
Then you pee all over your pants and shoes and have to tell everyone the sink sprayed you.
Sit sit sit on the urinal!
Great, now I’m not going to be able to pee all day.
Try counting to ten while you pee.
That doesn’t work if I can’t start peeing!
I used to sit because it was more comfortable.
Now I sit for… Different reasons lmao
I used to sit because it avoided any splash and is supposedly better for you.
But if we’re both being honest, we were probably always sitting for eggy reasons.
Anybody that has actually cleaned a toilet will be aware of the benefits of sitting
Because you might unexpectedly shit too, I presume
All right then, keep your secrets.
frodo.gif
There are some clues though
Penis gnomes.
I guess you should change your name mmh
That’s Neil Kohney! Can recognize them testicular chins anywhere.
I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.
Are you Irish, by any chance?
Nope I’m Dutch .
Also y’all think I’m joking but I’m dead serious
So why not think about the king of the Netherlands/Belgium?
No one would ever joke about being Dutch.
I don’t think this will help me, but thanks for the laugh
The Queen and peeing reminds me of this
Absolute cinema
You think someone will follow a youtube link in the context of peeing on the queen’s face?
Who wouldn’t?
But what do you do now that there’s no queen?
Obviously the answer is to imagine Margaret Thatcher
Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Jesus, they want to relax not to crack the porcelain.
Or…Musk, trump, clammy sam Altman and Wario amadim, Stephen Miller, Pete hegseth, 5/7 supreme Court justices, the Palantir creep, Jenson, jensons fucking jacket, that lying fucking cunt at the white House that always wears a stupid little fucking cross, all the other lying fucking cunts at the white House… Howard fucking lutnik, bibi, Putin,
…this is a fun list! Who else did I miss?
Jk Rowling, Andrew taint, the Kardashians, the Logan brothers and Mr Beast…
Who else?
Clive Palmer and Rupert Murdoch
Peter Thiel, Larry Ellison, the Indian dude constantly setting off my Microsoft Authenticator
What is opposite of this image/gif? That’s how I feel rn
So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.
Why do you think this couldn’t have been written by AI?
This is how I’m going to potty train my children. I’m sure it will work out fine.
Keep em’ away from posh elderly ladies otherwise there’s gonna be lawsuits out the wazzoo.
In the end she’ll be sitting there all pissy.
One of those comments that comes like a slap in the face with a hand full of cold water, in the morning
Thank you very much for sharing
I tried this, but got a boner instead
This is what I stay on Lemmy for
Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.
Doesn’t work for me, must be different room.
In high school I was sometimes late because I had to find empty restroom, which sometimes meant switching between different buildings (4 of them).Damn, that sucks. You ever pee outdoors? Is that better
I had a buddy who got a Doctor’s note that let him pee and poop in the nurse’s office.
I already do that. Urinals dont’t have tp for pp.
You mean you don’t vigorously shake piss droplets all over the place?
Old guy from the comic presses his ear to the door “Hey! I don’t hear shittin! This guys just pissin in there!”
Now I need an extra panel with him sliding under the stall like a mechanic under a car.
Women/girls also frequently suffer from a shy bladder even though stalls are the norm.
It’s almost like humans have a biological expectation of privacy when peeing that modern American construction fails to meet.
Buc-ee’s has entered the chat.
Potty like a rock star
Ever travel abroad? Japan has nice bidets but often times there are NO WALLS between the urinals!!!
About 50/50 in the EU I guess, no walls between urinals are fairly normal, is it that uncommon in the US?
It’s nearly unheard of, with the exception of the trough urinals at large sporting events.
Man in the 70s and 80s, especially at things like concerts and sporting events, they would just give men a long trough that continuously sprayed a little water. You could walk all the way around it and pee from any direction. Even as a kid I thought that was an uncomfortable number of dicks all pointed at the same thing.
Gallons of piss flow through the stadium
The walk of shame to the stall after standing silently surrounded by confident urinators for 3 minutes
Just announce that you were mistaken and you also have to shit, that should dispel any awkwardness.
Honestly no one cares. Do your thing.
If only anxiety listened to reason
Agreed.
However, you can’t spend your whole life listening to anxiety - that road leads to madness!
Like other people give a piss.
I never had this problem when I was younger. Until the day I had a medical examination to be drafted and they wanted me to give them a urine sample and I couldn’t. They offered me lots of water (which I drank) but still I couldn’t pee for what felt like an hour. Ever since I had problems relaxing.
Takes about that long for the water to get through you. It has to be absorbed but your digestive tract, adopted into the bloodstream and filtered out by the kidneys, all of which is pretty slow.
I won’t stand for this!!!
Start holding your breath when you walk into the bathroom. Breathe out and start your flow.
“weener”?
Yeah, for when you wee.
The wise learn from the knowledge of their elders. Heed my words younglings: Don’t push too hard to try to start. It might push out a massive noisy fart… Or worse
It might push out a massive noisy fart… Or worse
A baby!
— Mom, where do babies come from?
— Well, you know… when you are on the toilet… and you push too much… sometimes… you know?That kid is gonna be traumatised for sure!
In the bathroom? Who cares? It’s the one place farts are expected/allowed/celebrated whatever your kink. But in no world should it be shunned to fart in a bathroom.
Oh damn, ok, but my kink is bathroom fart shaming
So I don’t really worry about getting caught “not peeing” or whatever, but I do often take a moment or two to get started… and I also frequently attend concerts.
I never worry about being watched, but boy do I feel like a jackass sometimes taking thrice as long as everyone else when there’s a line out the door between bands…
What makes it especially hard is when the guy next in line is breathing down your neck
Meh I quit worrying about his ages ago. If someone has something to say I get ask them if they are a perv.
