Funny cat image as a reward for opening the post

Your husband
joined mastodon back in 2017
it made me the person i am today, in every way
it was a critical moment in my gender identity journey and finding the place definitely steered me in the right direction
over the years i’ve escaped my abusive family and came to seattle thanks to fedi, met my best friend and joyfriend both through fedi, and formed a strong sense of community on the servers i host there
i was even in a book about fedi thanks to the work i’ve done!!!
i owe everything good in my life presently to the fediverse 🥹
So I’ve had two things that kinda go hand in hand that have really made a big improvement in my quality of life:
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I started working out. During the pandemic lockdowns I picked up a basic fitness routine called Hybrid Calisthenics (they no longer list the basic 5 day routine I was doing but still brilliant explainers on that site for starting a new routine!), and went from struggling to lift 50lbs to being able to perform my first pullups ever. I changed jobs and lost my time for workouts but then I went and took my old bike for a tuneup to start riding it again with the goal of biking my kids to/from school and immediately realized how out of shape I was, so that became my new goal (and I rapidly fell in love with cycling) then I saw an ad for a 4th of July 5k and went “oh that’s like a quarter of how far I ride my bike I should totally do that!” And now I run 5ks too! The old me could never do that and would never have dreamed of doing any of these things but now I have races to look forwards to!
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I’ve started a long term process of reducing my screen time. I’ve noticed how no matter what I’m doing with screens it just isn’t making me happy and everything off screen gets neglected. So I’ve started focusing more on trying to pick up more hobbies to do with my hands. I’ve started building a model railroad, I’ve been reading a ton of books (I think about a couple dozen books or more in just the last 12 months) and not spending as much time soaking in news and doomer takes on the internet has greatly helped me be a much happier and more realistic person. This one’s an ongoing struggle though. The screens are right there and offer so much momentary entertainment (such is why I’m typing this right now) and doing stuff like drawing is really hard as my hands struggle to draw what I have in my head since I haven’t really drawn in a long time. My ultimate goal is a healthy balance of screen and non-screen time during my free time
Oh and a bonus item that I didn’t even think of initially: going back to college. A few years ago I decided to go back to college at the worst possible time. I had a baby on the way and was working full time, but I made it work. Even when my wife had to quit her job and I was the sole income while going to school full time, I threw all of my irons into the fire, pumped the bellows as hard as they’d go and worked myself to the brink of burnout and got a degree, immediately landed a job paying twice what I was making before with way better benefits and coworkers, a super chill work environment and through an insane series of events I now only work about 30 hours a week fully remotely and make enough money that not only can my wife be a stay at home mom but I could afford to go on my first international trip last month and have 2 more (much smaller in scope!) trips planned for this year still. I seriously never thought I’d be able to realistically afford intercontinental travel before, and now it might well be a thing we do every year or two!
All of this is ace, I may not know you but i’m proud of you internet stranger/friend!
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Went sober.
For me it was a small change. I was having a drink here and there, maximum 3 beers a night. I just found that it made me feel like shit the next morning even after having one, and I no longer enjoyed the feeling of even a mild buzz. There was also a huge relief at not having to figure out which situation to drink in or not. Do I have a drink at this birthday party? After a hard day? While barbecuing? If I am just sober the answer is always no, so it eliminates one choice.
Started putting powdered fiber in my morning coffee and now I have fantastic poops. I also bought a bidet which is nice too.
I also do fiber every morning, but I don’t know if I’d ruin my coffee with it. I mix it up in a tiny glass with water and basically shoot it so I can enjoy the taste of everything else
Its flavorless and dissolves completely so I don’t notice it at all.
What do you use? I use psyllium husk and it’s gritty
The Costco brand of Benefiber
This person’s butt is living a life of luxury
Crazy, I literally made both those changes this year as well. I highly recommend both
Real talk, do you get hella gassy and if so how do you deal with it? I’ve been making an effort to eat more fiber and it’s created levels of gas that has me concerned that the US might bring me democracy soon.
First off, if you make a change to a higher fiber diet, you’re likely to have increased flatulence while your gut microbiota acclimates. Second, there are different fiber sources that each person may respond differently to. Personally, some legumes will make me gassy no matter how I cook them, but when I throw a serving of psyllium husk in whatever I’m eating, I have no problem.
As a vegan who mostly eats fruit and raw veg, I am EXTREMELY gassy. Holy shit, I fart all day.
Not particularly to the point that I’ve noticed any difference though I’ve heard that can happen. I’m typically only doing 1-2 servings a day despite the bottle suggesting 3-5 servings, so maybe that’s the difference.
Your body gets used to it after a while, although you may still be a bit more gassy than people who shit once a week.
You may have an intolerance to certain foods. Look up low FODMAP diet. Certain types of food can fermented in the gut and make tou gassy/bloated. Ive found that I dont have an issue with wheat, but switching to lactose-free dairy and avoiding onions has helped me immensely.
I’ll check that out, I already do dairy-free except cheese and butter but I will be damned if I avoid onions.
Why not just eat some more fresh fruits and vegetables…?
Because Agrocorp Phibre ® was only $10 a bucket at the big box store. I don’t care that it’s derived from blended chicken anuses melted in rainwater from Chernobyl, it’s cheap!
Fr who needs micronutrients when you’re hitting your macro goals?
Oh, I got a good one. I started leaving earlier and driving slower. It’s way safer and I get great mileage. It’s also more relaxing to not be so worried about making good time.
I don’t drive yet so I don’t really get why mileage is important. Is it because you’re getting money back for fuel or is it just so you feel justified in paying to keep a car? Or is it more healthy for a car to get more driving in?
There’s also the safety aspect. A lot of the habits that help you go farther on a tank of gas also make accidents less likely or less serious
I’m assuming your on the younger side if you don’t drive and as a local youngin myself (early 20s) I don’t understand myself outside of being a vigorous rule follower
-But a lot of cars get better mileage when in the 60-70 mph range (I think that’s roughly 100kph if memory serves, which it usually doesn’t) -It’s also just safer, traveling slower means less distance to stop, meaning you have a bigger window of reaction time before you put that crumple zone to the test -(I feel like a lot of EV owners forget this cus there’s no gas and clearly that’s the only thing in a car) but your car is a bunch of moving parts most importantly the wheels, so your brakes and tires will thank you -As another lemming mentioned seeing that one BMW pass you, then you get to catch up on them at a red light, 1 they used more gas, as motion is energy, and more motion needs more fuel. On top of that since they were driving like they’re doing it “for family” in a summer block buster starring Dwight “the stone” John. Meanwhile you get to glide nicely towards the red light giving your brake disks a light hug
But keep in mind a difference in traffic speed is dangerous both ways. Yes the guy doing 120 in a 70 is a menace but so is the guy doing a 40 as they’re basically and obstacle. I usually do 70 (freeway speed limit for a stretch where I live) or 60 (speed limit for a majority of the freeway past a town) but sometimes everyone’s doing 90+ so I have to raise my speed. It’s why a lot of driving instructors will say that speed limits important but so is flow of traffic (tho flow of traffic outweighing the speed limit when determining your own speed has been very rare for me)
TLDR, less money for gas and maintenance, and more importantly (wish I had more examples of the top of my head) safety
Internal combustion engine cars don’t consume gas at a constant rate. You can think of it like as you press the gas pedal you’re making the fireman on a steam engine shovel more coal into the fire. The harder you press on the pedal the faster the fireman is grabbing shovelfuls of coal and tossing it into the fire, and the harder that engine has to work. The more the car can just coast with just a tiny bit of fuel tossed in to maintain speed, the less fuel goes into the fire.
A relaxed driving style where you slowly accelerate, brake gently, and don’t speed/change lanes a lot means a lot less time pressing hard on the gas pedal and a lot less time burning lots of fuel. Also gentler braking will mean less wear on your brakes and tires so they may last a bit longer (tires and brakes are wear items that need to be replaced regularly, but the frequency is impacted by your driving style)
Such a relaxed driving style is also much safer because it gives you and other drivers more time to react and it’s more predictable to all road users
You’ve already paid for the gas that’s in your tank, best you can do is get the most miles out of it. Long term habits that increase overall average MPG also reduce wear and make parts last longer. Biggest thing is not speeding up when you see a red light ahead.
Ever since I started thinking this way, I started finally seeing all the other cars scurrying past me to get to the same red light that we all stopped at. It compounds the calming effect to see validation through others demonstrating the futility of what I no longer choose to do.
edit: To be clear, I’m not saying I totally drag ass and block traffic. I’m just talking about smoothing out my acceleration curves a bit and the occasional person who zips around everyone else, only to hit a stoplight with the rest of us. I’m not that old yet.
Oh I’m definitely in the slow category, according to the cars behind me.
Don’t get me wrong, I do the speed limit, and heck still sometimes the appropriate “5 over” if there’s cars behind me.
But that’s not enough for most people, they race around me anyway.
But more than just not speeding up when I see the red light, I watch the light from farther away. It’s very flat here, and if you pay attention you can see the light turning from 10 or 20 seconds away, and adjust appropriately. You can even time the light to know it’ll turn red before you get there.
I’m not counting seconds or anything, it’s more of a vibe check. “That light has been green a looong time, it’s definitely turning red before I get there.”
So depending on who’s behind me and ahead of me and how far away I am, I’ll either start coasting down to maybe 5 or 10 under as I approach, that way I can use my brakes even less.
I get pretty good at it with the lights on my way to work. But some lights are un-timable. Their timing is almost purposely designed to waste gas.
And one stretch of lights changes depending on time of day to create a unidirectional flow of traffic. You’ll hit every green going south at 3pm, but every red going north. Stuff like that.
Using brakes is wasted gas, lost efficiency. I get a whole 5 or 6 more mpg driving my wife’s car, than when she drives it. Maybe more. Every time I drive it I watch the average tick up. For her it hovers around 25/26. I’ve seen over 31 in the same car.
Again I’m not the guy who painfully slowly accelerates, angering everyone. I know how to stand on the pedal when I need to. I just pay attention, and accelerate and brake maybe a little more smoothly.
If you accelate hard, drive fast, etc, you get lower gas mileage.
So if you drive 1000 miles per month, and you’re getting 25 miles per gallon, then at $4/gallon you’re paying $160 for gas a month. If you ease up and can average like 32mpg, you’ll only spend $125. Better results may be possible.
Ahhhh I accelerate very quickly because it’s fun, and I brake very slowly because I like not wearing my brake pads down. So I really only accelerate hard if there’s a ton of space in front of me and good side-visibility so I don’t have to risk sudden breaking (obv not only for my brakes, but so I don’t hurt anything!)
But I am soooo accelerating fast at every safe opportunity because it just feels awesome lawl. Then again, in a good month, I’m going 100-200 miles or less (partner and I both gremlins) so the fuel expenditure is maybe 10 bucks a month. Not even that high.
Great scenario for an EV! You’re not losing the efficiency by accelerating hard, can accelerate harder, and you make some of it back by using regen when you slow down
I read once a question on whether it’s better to rapidly accelerate to your vehicle’s most efficient speed / gear, or just creep up to it.
In my old wagon, once I hit 60kph (~40mph) it goes into 4th and drops to ~1250rpm. I tend to use moderate acceleration up to that speed then just chill.
I also recall the term ‘pulse and glide’ from hypermiling which might have some relation, but without the gliding bit.
Oh yah. My last car was a hybrid (loved it!) but that was before EVs were very attainable. I got my current car a long while ago when someone smashed my last one to death. I loved seeing the regenerative braking work!
My car now is all gas, but she’s got low mileage and the ultimate “trim” or whatever and I love her and all of her million speakers and subwoofer very much.
I’d love an EV for my next car if I can find one that isn’t a privacy nightmare (my car is from the tail end of when you could get cars that DIDN’T phone home what you talk about in them) but hopefully I’ll have my current car forever and won’t have to worry about that.
My cat decided to live at a neighbor’s 3 doors down. One day I thought “I’ll invite her to the barbecue party”. Six years later, we’re married and have a 2 year old boy (and five more cats).
That cat knew what it was doing.
That is delightful. I hope you occassionally call that cat, “wingman”,
When I rolled my character on that WoW server, I didn’t expect to move so far from home and spend the rest of my life with someone I’d meet online.
Nerd
I was bored as hell, looked up the phone number of someone I used to know before we moved to opposite ends of the country. I got an invite to a discord, and we now have two nights per week set aside for gaming together. Not just him, but the others on the discord too, so I’m not as socially isolated anymore.
looked up the phone number of someone I used to know before we moved to opposite ends of the country
Your comment reminds of… like… I just realized I haven’t really directly talked to my aunts or cousins in China for…
well the entire time I’ve been in the US… like nearly 2 decades
idk why, I never really felt an attachment… don’t have much memories of them, I was only 8 when my family left…
Now it feels too awkward to suddenly call them…
Call them. Yes, it’s probably gonna be awkward, but well worth it.
For that I’m gonna need to make a WeChat account…
Might need to use a separate phone for opsec purposes 👀 (you know why)
Feels like too much of a hassle… and like its not like I feel safe to just speak freely…
Mom and older brother is going back to visit (like right now), and mom told me to not send her any political stuff or she’ll block me…
Like I’m just so used to how things work in the west, I’m gonna have to run every sentence through my brain like can I actually say this and not get them in trouble
Taking my car instead of a Uber as I should have that night. It sure changed my life!
I just realized OP did not specify whether he wants to hear about small decisions that changed our life in a good way, or a BAD way.
I started putting bananas in the fridges crisper drawer. They keep a heck of a lot longer in there. It’s almost as if that’s what a fridge is meant for… :O
Now I can buy 14 bananas and they’ll be good for weeks.
I find that bananas in fridge makes the fridge smell like banana, but in a really bad way.
I haven’t noticed that at all. I do make sure to put them in when they’re still a bit green tho. The way I like it.
Posted a personal ad on Cragslist; ended up married.
Seriously? What year!?
Literally like 3 months or so before Craigslist removed the personal ads section entirely.
I thought they removed the personal section years ago
They did.
This was years ago.
hold up. so you’re saying you’ve been married… for YEARS???!
/s
I think I may technically even still be married. I didn’t have money to file for divorce but we split like 3 years ago.
Stopped drinking soda. The weight just fell off
Yep. Did away with sweetened beverages, junk/fried foods, and feel better for it, too.
This is my biggest thing I need to change in my life currently. I’ve been told so many times now that the weight I’m holding on to is most likely still due to the soft drinks and sugary energy drinks I consume way too much of
Try to replace it with black coffee or tea of some sort. There’s a nice bulk store near me that sells really cheap but delicious instant coffee by the gram. IIRC sodas have caffeine in them which makes them ab it addictive, withdrawals only last a few days though.
I was able to stop sodas a number of years ago, and now the thought of drinking one makes me nauseous. A helpful crutch are those Ciao San Pellegrino’s, they have a tiny bit of sugar that makes them immensely more satisfying than other flavored sparkling waters. I keep my fridge stocked with the cherry and blood orange
same here with soda, just the sickly sweet taste of soda is overpowering.
I went cold turkey and just started drinking only water. But if thats not an option for you, you could also just switch to sugar free.
sparkling water, i mostly drink that or unsweetened teas.
I’m always jealous of these people who were mindlessly drinking gallons of highly calorific soda, as they all had such a quick and obvious fix for their weight problem!
Meanwhile I’m sitting here on My Fitness Pal trying to eek out the calories to compensate for my general greed for literally everything.
What if you put fiber in your soda?
Same, but with beer. Lost nearly 15kg+ in a year without even trying.
beer has sugar in it, im not surprised. also it does something wierd with your liver and insulin as well(the alcohol.)
Not only sugar, alcohol itself has significant amounts of calories.
I just crave the carbonation. Zero sugar or even just sparkling water is good by me.
Yeah, sparkling water with a dash of lemon juice is great for me. Very refreshing and basically no sugar or calories.
i buy different flavored ones from different brands. alot of the times they have sales on most of them
I have tried that a few times, but can never make it last. Sparkling water doesn’t do it for me and sugar-free gives me gastro issues. I think I accidently made cokes my emotional support food. Does anyone have any tips?
I started alternating between coke and water. Now on 2 glasses of water for each glass of coke. Hoping to get that down to 1 glass a day, then nothing, but it still seems I’m far off :)
I’m stuck on two cans a day, with bad days going up to 4 cans. I do drink loads of water in between.
Ahh stuck. I can understand that. I’m having trouble picturing skipping that first glass in the morning, as it clears the awful sleep-taste out of my mouth, something which water cannot seem to do. Probably just a mental thing (I hope).
I’ll assume you brush your teeth at night, that helps a lot. If you also brush your teeth first thing in the morning, the taste will be gone. A mouthwash might also do the trick if you don’t want to brush immediately.
Or eat a fruit or something.
Indeed, coke comes between waking up and brushing teeth, I wake up slowly so this will need some training on my part. Good advice, thanks!
I like the other suggestions people are making. Another tip is to keep the sodas not always easily accessible. So if you tend to drink them at work, keep them at home, or if at home, at work.
But I think more importantly, I suggest making a habit of taking 10 breaths each time before you open a can. This isn’t an exercise in willpower, where you try to wrestle the can out of your hand. Instead, you are simply taking ten breaths, and noticing whatever feelings or emotions are present around the desire to drink a soda or the anticipation of drinking it, or whatever else comes into your awareness. If you want to drink the soda after 10 breaths, drink it. If you no longer feel the need, then don’t. And if you discovered a really interesting feeling, you can take another 10 breaths before deciding. It is all about noticing and becoming familiar with and accepting the feelings and emotions that are creating the impulse to drink soda. You noted that coke is your emotional support food, and I totally get that - so the way to improve is probably going to be by becoming deeply familiar with the emotions driving you to seek cokes, which will release their power over you.
Another suggestion I would make is to use ✨The Power of Friendship✨. Talk to friends, family, or partners about your goal of quitting sodas. They might have even better tips than we do. But more importantly, they can help you in ways we can’t. For example, if you struggle with having soda at home, you will need a partner’s agreement to remove it from home (assuming they also drink soda). They can be a sounding board for both your practical ideas and emotional struggles through the process. And they can act as accountability partners - one of the most powerful things you can do to break bad habits is to have a friend on speed dial so you can call them and say “hey, I’m really craving that third soda right now. Can we talk?”
Another suggestion - this may sound a bit dickish, but it would probably help if you just improved your life in general. Coke is your emotional support food - so it would be easier to give up if you needed less emotional support. What are the things in your life which are driving you to drink coke? Stressful job? Find ways to make it less stressful, or find a less stressful job. Hate commuting? Move closer to work. Financial trouble? Find a way to make more or spend less. I’m rattling these off like they are nothing, and they aren’t - these could be some big hairy beasts of goals in your life. But you eat an elephant one bite at a time, and if these problems are causing you to be more stressed and drink more coke, it is worth getting started on them now, so that your life will be better later - even if later is a few years from now.
One final thought - I don’t think giving up vices should ever be the top most important goal in your life. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard about kicking bad habits was to try your best to fill your life up with good habits instead. If you are spending your time chasing after goals that inspire you, hanging out with good friends and meeting new people, having fun doing things you enjoy, then you will may find that the impulse you had to drink coke simply evaporates since you were always focused on something else that was more fun or interesting.
Thanks for the elaborate response. I’m finishing up my doctoral thesis at the moment and hopefully when that is done the main stressor in my life is gone. I’ve tried many of your tips about including others and keeping them out of the house, but somehow I always find an excuse to get them again.
When I was reducing my coffee intake with the intent to quit one of the things I’d do is put a nice bottle of ice cold water right next to the coffee mug. Every time I’d go to reach for the coffee, I’d first redirect my hand to the water and drink that, then if I still really needed that coffee then I’d drink it.
This method alone was extremely effective at reducing my coffee intake, and I went from about 24oz of coffee a day down to about 8-10oz per day just with doing this. I also had the added bonus of drinking less sugary creamer and therefore getting my body used to a lot less sugar, so when I quit coffee completely I was already so used to water and drank so little sugar I basically switched to only drinking water
The important part is ice cold water. That sensational shock of the ice cold water makes it an easier transition
Oof, I hate ice cold water. I always drink room temp or slightly cooled… but I like your idea. Perhaps I’ll give sparkling water another try.
Coffee or tea? For me the caffeine addiction was a big part of it and I couldn’t kick both the caffeine and sugar at the same time. Coffee or tea are less problematic, as long as you don’t put too much cream or sugar.
Never buy soda bottles even though they’re much cheaper. Cans are smaller, pre-portioned. If I buy a bottle, I’m going to finish it, but if I buy a can then finishing it is a moderate amount.
Now I’m in a better spot where my caffeine comes from coffee, black, and my soda is one can of diet (except recently I’m discovering all these interesting sodas from other places.)
For me the caffeine addiction was a big part of it and I couldn’t kick both the caffeine and sugar at the same time
I never was a soda drinker but I did pick up a nasty caffeine addition via overdrinking coffee when I was a young adult that I spent several years architecting my quit.
I spent about 2 years reducing how much coffee I drank each day until I was down to about 8oz of coffee a day, then I got a nasty stomach bug and went 3 days without drinking coffee because I wasn’t confident I could keep water down, and on the 4th day I decided “I’m already 3 days into quitting, so I’m already halfway through the week that the internet says it takes, so let’s just power through the last 4 days” it took more like 2-3 weeks to fully feel like I’d kicked the habit (and some of that time might have simply been relearning how to wake up in the morning rather than actual withdrawal symptoms)
Now I only drink really good coffees on rare occasions as a treat and struggle to drink more than a couple of ounces, but most importantly, I can get up, take a big gulp of water and get on with my day without having to spend 10 minutes with the coffee maker each morning (which with the amount of chaos kids introduce into just getting out the door in the morning is a ton of time saved and added flexibility!)
Finally said yes when a coworker kept asking if I’d like to sub on her co-ed low level team.
A dozen years later, I’m in better shape than ever, have made a whole bunch of great new friends from all walks of life and really look forward to most days. (I’m a glutton, so I play 3 times a week, so by definition almost half my nights are amazing.)
What sport?
Whoops, weird omission! Soccer/football depending on where you live.
What sport is this?
Whoops, weird omission! Soccer/football depending on where you live.
Applied to a college I never heard of across the country because they let me apply for free. Went to that college.
Where i live you just pay 25£ (~27$) for 5 applications + a bonus one if you don’t get any of those.

















