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This can’t be real.
They say romance is dead in 2026
wha-
wha.
– Frost
Yeah Aaron can hang
He’s the one for sure
Dating apps are designed to keep you single forever.
I can’t imagine ever using one.
If you talk on them like Aaron, then yes.
New town, made more friends in person, and have gotten laid more times, with people I met out and about.
But I’ve also made a couple of friends and gotten laid a few times from apps. Worth the $x a month, it’s less than one ticket to a good party or an evening’s worth of drinks at karaoke, and pays off at a similar rate per dollar, just more slowly.
(Unless you’re just looking for mediocre fumbling with someone who only cares about getting their dick off, then apps got ya)
Sometimes I wish I had a legit friend that I would actually like to fuck. That would be…something.
Unfortunately, none of them I’d like in that way.
You can still get lucky. I met my wife on Okcupid, but there was a ton of disappointment before then.
How long ago? Before Match Group decided to make all of their products the same, OKC used to have an amazing algorithm that matched based on quiz answers. At some point, they scrapped all of that and turned it into another Tinder where quiz answers were deemphasized and swiping based on first profile picture is the main interaction method. All of their dating apps now use the same algorithm, which as many people have said, is tuned to keep you using the platform as long as possible, not provide you with high quality matches.
It’s designed to mismatch you, but does the right thing on accident.
But right now, I’d rather not. If someone were to say, assassinate Peter Thiel, then they can just put me on a leash and take me home, do whatever the fuck they want with me xD
Otherwise, I’d rather refrain both because of poor general health, and trust issues.
It is 100% meant to mismatch you to keep you on the app to make money. Start asking people who met people on apps and you quickly notice a pattern. The person they are with was not like any of the other people it matches you with. It’s not that hard to match people. They are betting that two people won’t compare their apps after they get together. I have watched three couples in the same room compare their apps with each other, with all three realizing it only works by mistake.
My wife and I actually matched on 3 different sites, but things have definitely enshitified since.
That is great! That is what they are supposed to do.
The best part is she wasn’t even looking for a relationship, but we’re basically the same person so things just clicked.
So the app failed succeeded catastrophically. Nice!
My cousin met his wife on tinder, he seems to regret that these days tho
It’s too late to swipe left.
So you’d think, but that boy ain’t never been too smart
Now I’m imagining him putting his finger on her forehead and physically trying to swipe her out of his life.
Bro could at least invite her for dinner before making such … interesting demands.
Guy was about 20 years too late for Susan Smith.
No thanks. I prefer aaaallll the money and time to wifey and myself. We enjoy our hobbies, travel the world, do what we want the whole day long, every day. That’s freedom.
Why would we want kids? And even if, we weren’t rich enough to put kids into this dumpster-fire…
Yep I’m selfish with my time. I like doing anything I want. I just won’t have a care taker when I’m old (but I also am not an ass that would want a child to do that anyway, seems evil)
I’ll gladly donate money to help out the unhoused, and Foss projects though! Because with no kids you have money to donate to things like that.
Yup exactly. All that money (and time, good lord the time!) sunk into lil brats could well be spend elsewhere. FOSS indeed! We also donate a lot and work for free at homeless shelters and such.
But most people prefer to keep running away from thinking by allocating 101% of time to everything but themselves. Jobs, kids, pets…
And this caretaker-for-when-i-am-old…it’s not only disgusting but also too risky. And with all that money sunk into those kids I could buy people who’d take care of me.
Yep. People are too afraid to state the truths you just said for fear of being rediculed.
Not sure why people can “hate” dogs and its considered fine, but we aren’t allowed to dislike human children or youll get persecuted.
Big reason I hate family gatherings. Most people can’t think beyond their immediate situation (and by extension, create “cute” babies they can treat like dolls for 4 years while giving 0 thought to the fact that now its another person in the world that will die to climate change or work in a factory forever and never own a house)
Exactly. I guess it’s because procreation is our only biological reason. And if you don’t play along you’d look like a worker-bee that doesn’t work (in every layer of that word).
I hear you about family, but I just broke with every idiot. My opinion (because it deviates too much from what is allowed in “free speech”) was always belittled, but if they need money, they all know where to find me. Well…knew 😁
Yup, couldn’t have said it more cynical. Kids are shat in this world my parent’s gen (boomer) already paved the way for destruction, that my gen followed nicely. Millenials had it really shitty and I don’t wann see the future of the newest generations.
It always gets me thinking that we need 2k in cost and many many hours of training and learning to be allowed to drive a car. But every Joe and Jane can procreate even if they’re dumb AND poor. No license needed. Just go ahead make as many cute babies as you want.
Yeah, there really should be required classes at least!!
Honestly it’s still way too easy to get a license. I know many folks who should not drive. They should all be forced to take a hpde course and also banned from installing Snapchat, ha
And tiktok…and fuckbook and x and y and however all the cancer is called. Where can I sign?
Relevant Oatmeal
I don’t see how that’s too relevant. The comic isn’t about having kids per se. It’s about just giving up kids you’ve already had, which is quite different.
I think they meant adjacent instead of relevant.
I didn’t think it was possible to be denser than a neutron star but here we are…
Quark Star!
C’mon parents… You know you wanna. They are sweet and all. They make you proud.
But then there are those days. Today my 5 year old comes asking where the roku remote is. Clearly its in the room. Just press the button to find it! Ring! Ofcourse its in the couch! You little devils never put it back where it be… Okay its not on the couch. Press again! Ring! Yeah its in the couch! The finger chopping Recliner! Ehhh dady, why is the TV scrolling? Hmm okay somehow its inside the cushion? You open the cushion but there’s nothing!!! Ring it again! Ring! Its in the couch! Look if you press here it scrolls! Oh now it went to Netflix! Shit! Its everywhere on the couch! NOO!!! You guys dropped it in the finger chopping part of the recliner! Didn’t you!?? I swear! Nothing! Its not there! Hold on, don’t jump on the recliner! Sonobabich jumped! But you know that shit, your finger nails clipped tight but didn’t bleed. You’re good! Oh look at the fucking remote its just there under the metal cushion spring. How did it even get there!? And where did all these candy wrappers come from? Those are sticky. Go get a wet towel! Let’s sweep and mop and wash the broom. It’s now 8pm. You cleaned up the house. Bruised knees, sore finger nails still teetering of fear of being loped off when someone swings a scissors closed. Like you can feel the cut right at your most favorite finger joint. No, its still there, its just the nail thats gone. Turn around the couch potatoe has been watching loonie toons and tossing more wrappers under the couch.
That’s it! Thus kid’s gone tomorrow! That and other barely legal ways to bring about sanity start to run wild. But after that split second, all is good and you love your kid. You’d do anything for that little lazy sonobabich mini you. Yeah I don’t know what the heck that guy is on but giving up your kids for a looser dude is in no one’s things to do list. But may I interest you in a finger chopping recliner adventure?
I wouldn’t give mine away, and enjoyed parenting more than any other job, but swear to God with every one of them I said that a parent should be provided with about 5 tranquilizer darts for each child when they are born, for the handful of situations that put you in danger of doing something you will regret. With each one, for me there were about 5 times I wished I could just toss a dart and pow! Kid falls down asleep.
I deliberately inserted a jumper wire…bare copper into a 120AC outlet. My kid was smarter and used a fork.
Most days the kids are such beautiful creatures. They are learning, experimenting, cuddling, playing games with me… I wish I got to see more of them but I’m in office 5 days a week with a long commute, and we’re all feeling it.
But every once in a a while there is the day where they smear an entire dresser with zinc cream and that shit takes ages to wash off. Or they piss on you the moment you remove them from the bath. Or they spend an hour fighting you about going to bed so you just throw them into their bedroom and use your body to block their door until they get too tired from banging it and screaming and pass out; really started to appreciate my Steam Deck after that.
You remember these events well because they don’t happen often. You don’t remember every time you cuddled watching a movie, worked on a project together, made food together, or felt proud of them, because that’s pretty much every day.
I will add the caveat that this is for “normal” kids. I used to volunteer for a few groups for seriously disabled children and you didn’t see too many couples at those events… Usually one parent wants to keep the child while the other says they cannot effectively raise them, and you can guess how that goes. Having spent a lot of time with those kids and seeing the damage families suffer because of it, I do not suggest taking on the challenge of serious disability unless you are able to secure substantial material assistance; it’s far lonelier and harder than you can imagine.
When my kid was four and refusing to go to bed, he once stood at the top of the stairs, holding tight to the stair gate, looked me dead in the eye, and shit himself.
On the one hand I was impressed with the show of superiority, but on the other, I did briefly consider having him adopted.
So yeah, I get it.
Mine would work themselves into such a mess crying uncontrollably that they vomited all over hence making ignoring them impossible… I loved bedtime!
Oh god, I’ve just remembered a time on holiday when he went to bite into a perfectly innocuous hamburger, and discovered a single slice of tomato. He was so outraged he threw up on his plate.
That was fun.
Don’t have any kids but I also deduce from my observations that most normal relations with kids is the ones where sometimes you love them to bits and at other times want to give them for adoption. Anything else which overly romanticises having kids has no use other than shame driving people into insanity.
seems like a bad idea if you hate them 50%
like a mix of sunk cost a d stokholms
Hell no. It’s nowhere near 50/50. In my experience the great moments are far more frequent than the one where you want to defenestrate them.
The relationship with them is however massively unequal, in that you basically owe all the support and they owe you next to nothing (at least at the start).
And unlike with partners and friends, you are supposed to have and maintain authority over them, and foster their growth, often against their whishes.
So it’s a lot of work. But I for instance don’t understand why people get dogs.
he is probably not the person in the photos and fake ragebait
the most unhinged starter messages, as we.all expected something sexual or creepy. its worse 😭
Looks like Aaron earned an iron urn.
So how long have you lived in Baltimore?
So are we supposed to communicate honestly or not!?
Women want honesty until they’re asked to put their kids up for adoption. Smh
It’s like, I’m trying to meet you halfway over here, but you’ve gotta work with me a little!
Listen my dude it’s a two way street. You look decent so what about I drop off one kid at the fire station and we go from there? I’m sure you’ll get to love little Timmy.
Great, I know the perfect year-round boarding school.
You seem like you’d be a genuine arsehole in real life. (Just being honest.)
Woosh
