I know this might sound like a strange question, but I’d like to talk about it. I recently joined a lesbian Discord server. After chatting for a while, I shared that I’m married to a man due to cultural and religious reasons. I was married at 16, and it wasn’t really my choice, so I didn’t have any prior experience with men or women. People in the server seemed to expect me to say that I hate my husband or find sex with him disgusting, but I don’t. My primary and only attraction is to women, but I can still enjoy sex with a man on a physical level. My first experience with a woman happened after I was already married, and it was actually facilitated by my husband, who is supportive and helps me connect with women discreetly since I live in a very conservative country. After I shared this, many people in the server reacted negatively and called me a “fake lesbian” or bisexual, which honestly hurt.
I wouldn’t say it’s wrong… But it might be inaccurate to call yourself lesbian. In that you don’t fit what people expect that word to mean.
I can tell where the disconnect comes from: most non-bi people find the idea of sex with their non-preferred gender repulsive.
In that way your lived experience differs from that of most people. You have a clear preference, but it doesn’t come with the sexual aversion for the other sex that most people experience.
And your description sounds more like you’re asexual with men… Which does mean that neither “bi” nor “lesbian” correctly describe you. If someone was rude in how they said that too you, that was uncool of them.
I wouldn’t worry too much. The important thing is that you understand yourself, which you seem to be well on your way on. If and when you need others to understand, you can add on some explanations.
Seems more like aromantic to me than asexual. OP enjoys the sex, just not the intimacy.
Labels are dumb, but if I had to call it something, it’d be homoromantic-bisexual or something like that.
I don’t see what’s wrong in describing oneself as a lesbian in that instance, given that all labels are just labels of convenience and it describes OP’s ideal preference well enough. Even if some gold stars may disagree.
Some lesbians only want to be with other lesbians, and they would feel betrayed/lied to by her calling herself a lesbian.
Just like women I date would feel betrayed if i called myself straight, but they found out I had a sexual relationship with a man.
We can make up our own definitions of these things, but other people may not agree with us.
I mean I think I’m a straight, but plenty of people in my life past and present tell me that I am gay. Including bisexual women I have dated.
Not how asexuality works.
How dare you question the one true decider of all labels!
Duh
They why did you make a comment with incorrect info.
I’ve reworded it to help your reading comprehension.
Oh so you’re a dick as well.
I tend to do that when someone goes for the worst possible interpretation so they can assume ignorance.
Frankly you walked in sounding like the kind of people who were mean to OP on discord.
No, you deliberately gave OP incorrect information and now are pitching a fit because someone corrected you.
I mentioned ace because there was experiential overlap. But obviously OP isn’t ace. They’re into women FFS.
You can assume whatever you like. I’ve clarified my meaning.